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lil_sammi , 26 Feb 2009

New to site . . desperately need help!!

Hi everyone. I have just come across this site after picking my skin for many many years. I didn't even know what I had had a name. I am 20 turning 21 this year and have been picking at my skin for 17 years (since I was 4). I scratch everywhere on every single part of my body and my skin is completely ruined! I am really badly scarred and have never in my life worn a skirt, shirt, etc. Even in extreme heat I will wear jeans and a jumper to cover my skin. I can't leave the house without wearing makeup because my face looks horrible and as a result I no longer go anywhere. I have been suicidal most of my life as a result of this and also have severe depression. It has only just now started to affect my relationship of 3 and a half years and I do not want to lose my fiance as we have a 2 year old son together. I also have photos of what I look like when I scratch. I really really need to talk to others like me and find out if anybody else has found anything that works for them and also if anyone has tried the online counselling provided by this site. Thank you.
58 Answers
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bb91
February 27, 2009
well my gf just found out not too long ago, and she was in the hospital dealing with her own issues and i supported her thru those. She does whatever she can to help me, but she isnt really like the research type, mostly she just tells me she loves me and asks me what she can do for me, and i tell her. Ive done a lot of research and very little is known outside of a small circle of psychiatrists about csp. Furthermore, i dont recommend buying a book written by a guy without letters after his name, if you know wat i mean. I doubt he knows more about this then you can find online.
lil_sammi
February 27, 2009
Oh no sorry to hear she was in hospital. I'm glad she took your news well. I was with my fiance for 3.5 years and he seemed fine with it all this time right up until Wednesday night when we split up over this. I didn't realise I disgusted him so much (those were his words) and when I got home last night I saw he was back into reading "those" kind of magazines with all the beautiful ladies who've been air-brushed lol - real supportive haha!! I haven't done any research - in the past when I used to look it up online I'd get results that had nothing to do with skin - like DJ scratching - so I seriously thought I was the only one who did this. I think the guy who wrote the book is the guy who started this site but I might double check. Do you have a myspace or a facebook or anything so I can put a face to you? I saw a buddy system had started up on here where ppl could show each other pics of their scratching but I can't figure out how to join it lol.
bb91
February 27, 2009
i dont like myspace or facebook mostly because i have no time for them and i have no patience for ppl lol, i have an email and an aim account if u want. as for pix, i can take one now and email it to u if u want, it wont be a good pic but u kno,but u gotta send me one too. and yeah he is the same guy, no doubt he has good intentions but not many ppl kno much about this. I dont want to toot my own horn but im pretty knowledgeable when it comes to biology and psychology and honestly i think csp is not one but a combination of several different things that manifest in one major symptom. my email is bbassil@hotmail.com, please dont share it tho thats my priority and business email so i cant get spam on it. il take a pic now, wats ur email?
lil_sammi
February 27, 2009
I hate myspace too but I admit I'm a bit of a Facebook addict lol! Haha I have no patience for ppl either . . lol who would have thought we could have ended up speaking for this long then . . I guess cuz we're both suffering from the same thing. Ok with the pic is it going to be just one of u looking good or one specifically of ur scratching cuz I don't want to scare you off - my scratching photos are REAL bad?? And don't worry I won't share your email . . I can't stand spam!! My email is: inquisitive_creatures@hotmail.com
bb91
February 27, 2009
im not gunna be shy with u, since u are like me thr is no reason to, i just picked and im gunna take a hi res face pic that il send, i prefer just a regular pic of u, like the normal natural u
lil_sammi
February 27, 2009
oh crap im scared of sending my scratching ones lol. the one i will send through to you will be my scratching at its worst, taken a few months ago. i have salve on my face as well. omg i've never showed anyone this its scary as. pls don't hate me lol im still so worried ppl wont like how i look without makeup :(
lil_sammi
February 27, 2009
Haha thanks for trying to cheer me up but I know it's horrible! Lol I wasn't smiling cuz I wasn't happy . . but I always do this I take pics for the "before" shot determined to get an "after" shot but so far no "after" shot lol!! I hope I can get past this without scarring too bad .. I'd like to meet a nice guy lol or at least get the old one back haha!!
bb91
February 27, 2009
idk it might not be my place to tell you this but if he couldnt support you and be thr for you when u most needed him, then perhaps he doesnt deserve you. Dont sell yourself short, this isnt a death sentence, its cureable, and the scares will fade in a few months after you can stop picking, you kno i had quit for 2 years, and my skin was completely clear. tomorow im gunna be on later than normal, around 12 oclock eastern, so probably like 2pm where u are.
lil_sammi
February 27, 2009
Wow you're really wise for your age, what you say is really true, I just never feel like I deserve anyone better because I think who could love me when I can't even love myself. My scars have never faded :( they've turned into white lumps now which never used to bother me until someone commented on them as well!! How long did you do it before you quit that first time? That must have been really really hard to get over it and then start again. I stopped for a couple of months and felt so good about myself but then it all came back again! Ok I should be on tomorrow . . it's going to be Saturday here in Australia. If you ever want to talk privately where nobody else can read things, feel free to talk to me via my email. It must be pretty late for you now, I should let you go to bed lol!!
bb91
February 27, 2009
i got a couple of white lumps too, they go away eventually. i started when i was 5, first it was the cuticles, then the lips, then the face, then i quit, then it came back as face, arms, chest and back. i mite start picking my legs, especially upper thighs, just because its easier to conceal than my face and arms. and yeah its getting late. sweet dreams. quitting the first time was easy because i had a fresh start going to a high school where nobody knew me, so i built a new self image.anyway, i should get going, goodnite beautiful
lil_sammi
February 27, 2009
I'm glad to hear they go away eventually . . you started at the same age as me . . I was 4. It started with my nose and then supposedly I got bitten all over my body by mosquitos and scratched cuz it itched and then basically never stopped scratching. Please try not to start on your legs :( I don't want it to be any harder on you to quit. I do it all over now and it's no fun at all. Thanks for staying on and talking to me!! Goodnight and sweet dreams . . I'm off to have lunch now lol!! Nite Handsome
lil_sammi
February 28, 2009
Argh not too good . . I scratched all of my face thinking it would make it better and surprise surprise it didn't and I have that 21'st to go to in a couple of hours . . I don't even think makeup will cover it :( stupid dermatillomania lol!! How was your day? I hope a lot better than mine!
bb91
February 28, 2009
oh happy bday, and im sorry to hear that, i always think itl look better when i pick and it never does. i had a semi decent day and only picked a bit in political science class, otherwise i was busy all day and really didnt have time.
lil_sammi
February 28, 2009
Hehe I'm not 21 yet, it's my friends b'day - I turn 21 in October and so I really hope I have this scratching kind of under control by then. Yeah I know it's strange how we pick cuz we think it will look better - it's kind of like body dysmorphic disorder I guess - like when an anorexic person looks in the mirror and all she sees is fat - I guess we're kind of the same. I'm glad you had a semi-decent day and only picked a little!! Good on you - I'm proud of you!! Keeping busy definitely does help, I should have busied myself this morning. Hey you know how you said you do boxing can you do that in a gym cuz I need to learn the technique so I don't damage my wrists lol?
bb91
February 28, 2009
yeah u need to tape ur wrists and get gloves that fit, you mite want to get somebody to show u the technique too cuz boxing without technique is just smacking around a bag lol. i mite start mauy thai soon. i read that about the bdd too, idk tho, cuz i later realize that it looks bad, i only thinks itl look good be4 i do it, not after
lil_sammi
February 28, 2009
Yeah I thought as much that there'd be a technique to it and that I'd need to tape my wrists. And so I can learn all that at the gym? I think that would help a lot with my anger cuz I find if I get angry about something someone's done instead of telling them I'm pissed off I take it out on myself instead and start scratching. Oh yeah I see what you mean cuz you're right I know it looks bad after as well.

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