Finding the Balance: Helping Your Teen with Skin Picking When You Pick Too

When both you and your child are affected by the same disorder, parenting becomes a delicate balance of managing personal struggles while guiding and supporting your child through theirs. Understanding this dynamic and developing strategies to cope with it can foster a healthy environment for both of you.

Understanding the Family Connection

Skin picking, clinically known as excoriation disorder, is a mental health disorder characterized by the repetitive picking at one’s skin, leading to visible skin damage, significant emotional distress, and impaired psychosocial functioning. It is not unusual for other mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety to be present too. 

One of the concerns parents with skin picking often express is whether their child could also be at risk for developing the disorder. Can it be passed on? 

There is not a clear answer as to why some people develop skin picking. It seems to be a combination of genetic, environmental, and neurological factors rather than just genetics alone. Twin studies have found that about 40% of people with a body-focused repetitive disorder (BFRB) like skin picking have a first-degree relative with a BFRB.  

Will they “learn to pick” from me? It’s a common concern voiced by many parents who pick. Some people who pick have shared their belief that their picking was in some ways, learned from seeing a parent pick. While it is true that children do learn in part by watching others, Even if your child sees or knows of your picking behavior, there is much more to developing a skin picking disorder than simply observation and imitation. 

Sometimes, parents who have a skin picking disorder do have children who do too.  Navigating that situation is a delicate balance. It takes understanding and patience, acknowledging the experience you share without stigmatizing it. 

Manage Your Own Skin Picking

There’s an old saying that goes something like, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Your child relies on you for love and support, comfort and guidance. To fully be there for them, you have to be in a place of health and wellness. When you neglect to deal with your own issues, they can drain your cup leaving you little to pour into your child’s cup.

The first step in effectively parenting your child who has skin picking is to take care of you. Practicing self-care is one of the greatest gifts we can give to those we love – and to ourselves.

Self-care might look like:

• Seeking therapy for yourself 
• Healthy lifestyle and leisure practices 
• Finding a support group 

Open Communication with Your Child

When both you and your child struggle with skin picking, open and honest communication is key. When you’re dealing with your own disorder, it can be hard to make those parent-child emotional connections but they are crucial and have been shown to affect symptoms in children. Your child needs to understand that they are not alone in their struggle and that their condition is not something to be ashamed of. Providing a safe space for conversation and connection can help your child feel secure, supported, and understood.

Parents often wonder whether it’s ok or how much to share with their child. It’s ok to share your experiences with skin picking. The key to sharing is to share in a way that is age-appropriate for your child and sensitive to their needs. These can be powerful teachable moments. 

Acknowledge the challenges that come with skin picking and offer reassurance that they can manage their skin picking with the right strategies and support. Encourage them to express their feelings about their experience. Then listen without judgement.  

Model Healthy Coping Strategies

By modeling healthy coping strategies, you can teach your child effective ways to manage their own skin picking. This includes demonstrating how to deal with stress in a healthy manner, using tools like mindfulness, relaxation techniques, seeking treatment, and practicing self-care.

If you find yourself struggling, be open about it with your child, and explain the steps you are taking to address it. This transparency helps in normalizing the disorder and reinforces the idea that it is okay to seek help when needed.

Create a Supportive Home Environment

A supportive, stable home environment is crucial for both you and your child. This means creating an atmosphere where the skin picking not hidden, but rather a challenge that the family faces together. Encourage open discussions about the disorder, and celebrate small victories, whether it’s a day without picking or the successful implementation of a new coping strategy.

Have a routine. Routines promote stability and reduce stress. Reducing overall stress in the household can lessen the triggers that lead to skin picking episodes for you both.

Seek Professional Help

A therapist specializing in skin picking can provide tailored treatment plans that address the unique needs of each family member. Family therapy may also be beneficial in facilitating communication and understanding within the household.

Conclusion

Navigating parenting while dealing with your own skin picking is challenging, but it is possible to create a nurturing and supportive environment for both you and your child. By prioritizing your mental health, fostering open communication, modeling healthy coping strategies, and seeking professional support, you can effectively manage this disorder while guiding your child through their own journey. Remember, you are not alone, and with the right tools and support, you and your child can thrive.

References

1. Monzani, B., Rijsdijk, F., Cherkas, L., Harris, J., Keuthen, N., & Mataix-Cols, D. (2012). Prevalence and heritability of skin picking in an adult community sample: A twin study. American Journal of Medical Genetics Part B: Neuropsychiatric Genetics, 159B(5), 605-610. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/ajmg.b.32067

2. https://www.reddit.com/r/Dermatillomania/comments/15zbva2/anyone_else_picked_up_their_habit_from_their/

3. Skin talk : Blog : Picking me Foundation NFP. (2019, September 9). Retrieved from https://pickingme.org/blog/blog.html/article/2019/09/09/poll-parents-and-skin-picking-disorder