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tcdwyer15 , 11 Jun 2010

Just realized that I may have a problem...

I'm 34 years old. I can't even tell you how long I've been picking at my skin. I really didn't think it was a big deal until my husband said to me the other day that he thinks I'm OCD. I looked it up online and I fit the parameters of Dermatillomania. I usually pick at my face. I've picked at the blackheads (which apparently are so tiny that no one notices) on my nose for so long that I've lost the freckling on my entire nose. I've worked scars onto my face. I can't even explain the satisfaction I get when I am able to remove a large blackhead or a pimple that I've picked at for weeks. I pick at my upper arms to the point where I have red, swollen bumps. I purposely sunburn so that I can pick at the peeling skin for hours. And what's now worse, is that I was diagnosed with Vitiligo. Those parts of my skin don't tan because there is no melanin so when I burn and pick at that, it becomes red and raw. I pick at areas that have burned, but not bad enough to peel until I have red, raw patches and scabs. I literally get excited when I'm able to remove a huge patch of skin in one pull. I have a bad case of athlete's foot which causes the skin to peel on my feet and toes. I went for treatment, but stopped taking the medication because the thought of not being able to pick at my feet was almost unbearable. And in the past, I've put glue on my hands, let it dry and I've picked at that. I'll do it over and over again. I'm thinking my little picking habit is more than a habit....thoughts?
5 Answers
Kait
June 12, 2010
Well, I'm new to all of this and by no means an expert but I definitely relate to some of the things that you are describing. I get a sick satisfaction out of removing blackheads or pimples as well and I pick at any peeling skin. I just have to have it off of me. For me, it seems to be really tied to perfectionism. I think that the fact that you didn't want to stop peeling your feet so you stopped taking the medication is a big sign because I never moisturize my feet so that they are always dry which leads to more picking (even though I know I should just put some lotion on and let it be). Also, the fact that you have caused scarring and still can't seem to stop picking is an issue (it is for me too, I have caused scarring on the face and still can't seem to stop picking). Others have been recommending that I seek a therapist, specifically one that specializes in OCD and ideally one that specializes further in cases of CSP (compulsive skin picking). For me, I also am pretty sure I have a touch of trich (compulsive hair pulling) because I have removed nearly all of my eyebrows. I think that there is a really good possibility I have BDD as well, but again, I'm waiting to be formally diagnosed. These are just things that I have learned by researching the issues and have found that I identify with the signs/symptoms strongly. I have an appointment with a therapist scheduled for July 5th so right now I'm just kind of waiting on that and trying to stay positive.
tcdwyer15
June 14, 2010

In reply to by Kait

I just thought it was a quirky habit. Once my husband pointed it out and a did a little research and started paying attention to my habits, I'm thinking it's not so much a quirky habit. My sister used to pull her hair out when she was younger. She had no eyebrows left at this point. I leave my hair alone except for the the regular grooming of my brows. I'm not sure if I want to get treatment yet. Please let me know how your appointment goes!
wildflower
June 14, 2010

In reply to by tcdwyer15

you may or may not need professional treatment, really. now that you're more aware of your habit or compulsion, you might find all you need to address it if you really want to change your behaviours here in various topics. there are a number of topics you might try first .... "how to stop picking" has a number of informative sites within it and "A healthy skin healing guide to help stop picking" has lots of tips in it to name a couple. i have improved my habits by about 95% on my own with just seriously addressing it and making committed changes and the like and i believe we are capable of helping ourselves more than we tend to think. i hope it gets better for you. all the best !!
Kait
June 17, 2010

In reply to by wildflower

Thanks for the tips. I will definitely check them out. I am open to any and all suggestions. I have some deeply rooted issues that I think I need to address with the therapist. I think that those issues are part of what caused my OCD to be so severe in the first place and to self-medicate with alcohol and self-harm through picking/pulling. I am hoping that addressing those issues will make it easier to stop picking and more importantly, forgive myself for what I've done. I am having a really difficult time accepting what I've done to myself and that I let it go so far. I agree 100% about being capable of helping ourselves more than we think. "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." =)
Kait
June 17, 2010

In reply to by tcdwyer15

Will do! =) Ya, I always thought it was just a quirky habit too. It never really got out of control before though, so it wasn't a problem so much then as it is now. I barely have any eyebrows left and am trying to regrow them which is a very slow and painful process. lol I want to pull the little hairs out so badly!

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