I am an artist!

Okay... Here we go. Yeah, I pick and eat like the worst of us here. Is it bad that I don't give a shit? I have problems out the ass. I'm depressed as hell. I don't fit societies wants. I have crazy ass incurable acne. I'm 17, I'm a guy, and I play trumpet. It might be the only thing I live for. To come up with my next good sounding band and song. I think I'm crazy. I had some trouble earlier with a "man in the mirror" about 8 months ago. He used to tell me to forget all my friends so I could study trumpet more. So I could be the best. He's gone away now. Although I know I could see him if I wanted to. I recently drank a few times. I love it. I love the way it makes me so fucking numb and impenetrable. I've been told I have ADD or something. I'm very disorganized, goal setting is difficult for me and often I fail classes cuz of it. Whatever. I know I hold my own future in my hands. Drugs are a popular option, but I refuse. I am an artist. I don't want to lose my self. I feel so crazy. I know I could put a gun to my head and end it. But I won't. Not yet. Maybe because I'm too scared. Or maybe because I want to see wher life goes. Maybe because I love my family and I don't want them to hurt. Idk. I'm a seeker, you know? My whole family is christian. I don't believe that. Idk. I found this site, and I felt like I needed to let this shot off my chest. I've had some difficult shot in life. I just try. I try to see the blue sky. I try to forget the pain. With each scab I eat, I know I'm just another crazy Fuck in this crazy world. I jus wish I had a bottle of something right now hahahahaha lol.