Skin picking starts at night

Hello everyone, my name is Kerri. Finding this website and all of you brave individuals struggling with this serious problem, has given me hope. For my entire life I was ashamed, embarrassed, and kept my problem of skin picking a deep, dark secret. First, I want to provide you with a little background about myself and my journey on this horrible path of dermatillomania. I started to picking at my lower legs about the age of 4 or 5. Usually, I would have several noticeable scabs appearing on my legs, which started from a simple mosquito bite or cut. I remember my Mother would punish me for engaging in this behavior by taking away all of my favorite dresses. This only made the problem become much worse. My family would constantly question me about my scabs and “poke fun at me.” This lead me to always wear long pants so no one could critize me or see what I was doing to myself. Not one person obtained professional help for my problem my entire life. Now, as a 23 year old, the dermatillomania has been diagnosised as OCD by my psychiatrist. After years and years of this torture of dealing with constantly wanting to tear my skin apart, it has taken a serious toll on me. I have recently started picking my face, chest, neck, back, and sometimes my legs. Usually, the picking really starts to begin around 8 or 9pm and can last endlessly until 7:00am. Sometimes, depending on what is going on in my life, I spend up to 6 hours a day picking my skin. I honestly can’t live in this constantly pain and struggle. Sometimes, if it’s been hours of picking and I just want to stop, I begin to cry. Once I start it, I know I won’t be able to stop unless I feel satisfied and my skin is completely torn apart. I am embarrassed to attend my college classes or go out and meet new people because my face looks horrible. It looks like I abuse some sort of CNS stimulant drug. I know people often stare at my face and problem wonder why it looks this way. I try so hard to cover it up with makeup but nothing can cover up this severe problem. I haven’t been able to be intimate with anyone or have a serious boyfriend because of my skin picking problem. I feel like I am missing out on my life by isolating myself all the time, due to my fear of being judged by others. I feel soo ugly and unwanted. Does anyone else feel the same way?