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How do I tell my girlfriend?
I have dermatillomania and have been picking since I was 3 or 4, I'm now 17.... so as you can imagine I have A LOT of scars, mostly on my upper arms/lower back. The only people that know about this are my parents and one friend. Well, this friend has been bugging me all summer to go swimming /w her, I've used every excuse in the book to avoid a bathing suit. You'd think she would get the hint that I don't want anything to do with swimming or bikinis.....yet once again I've been invited to the beach for a "girls day out". My girlfriend is in town, /w school and work I don't get to see her much plus it's almost fall and this might be the last chance we have to go swimming this year, so I finally agreed to the "girls day out".....and I might just maybe, wear a proper bathing suit instead of my usual t-shirt and shorts but I'm terrified of my girlfriend noticing my scars (they're pretty noticeable.....) I don't know what to say or how to explain it. She used to cut, I've herd cutting has similar emotional effects/triggers as dermatillomania so maybe she'll understand? I've never told anyone about my scars or talked about it /w anyone. my parents found out during a check-up a few years ago and my bff walked in on me picking once, the've never treated me any different because of it but I feel my parents are forced to accept it because they're my parents and I'm not dating my bff so it's different. My girlfriend means a lot too me and I'd hate to loose her over something retarded like this, I really need some advice but don't know were to turn because my parents don't know I'm dating her, that's a completely different story so I'm not even going to get into that and I can't get the courage to talk to my bff, even though she has this condition herself. I don't know what to do, I feel like cancelling this whole "girls wknd" crap and spending the wknd in bed just to avoid talking to my gf. Can I get some advice please?
September 20, 2010
Telling someone who doesn't do it is extremely hard and they almost never understand the high we get when picking. That last part is actually the good news. You can hide the emotional part by explainging that you have this weird acne thing that itches or something and shrug it off like that, but if you want to go for the truth, you need a bit more "balls". ........................................................(paragraph break)....................................................... You'll feel extremely vulnerable when telling her the truth and mey even start shaking or crying. So pick a time when you are comfortable and feel like it's "sharing" time for both of you. Her having cut herself before works in your favour, because that is also hard to control and she should understand your position quite well and not make a big deal about it. ........................................................(paragraph break)....................................................... If you still haven't had the time or the guts (no-one will judge you for not having the guts - it's really scary!) by the time this day comes and you feel like you can't tell now, cover up with a T-shirt and say that you're afraid of sunburn or something. Pick a T-shirt you can swim in. ........................................................(paragraph break)....................................................... In the end it's up to you how you want to handle this and I hope that whatever you choose to do, you'll be OK. Also remember that other people usually just say "oh" nonchalantly when they find out and then move on. They don't linger on the subject, they don't want to know why, they're usually very cool about it - a complete opposite from you! It is a much bigger deal to you than to them. GOOD LUCK! And take care.