Does anybody know how to heal the ingrown hairs and diminish pick scars on backs of thighs??

I have picked since I was just a kid, which translates to about 25 years of scars at this point. I remember my mom picking on my arms a bit (this bugs me because sometimes I pick on my daughters skin and they hate it and it leaves me feeling terrible) and my sister picked pretty much her whole life also. We all suffer from hereditary keratosis, otherwise known as whiteheads or chicken skin. I used to focus on my upper arms and front of legs. Both of those areas are much better (still scarred, but faded and not too noticeable). Now the whiteheads/blackheads have moved onto my chest, forearms and the back of my thighs. My forearms have cleared up a ton since I started putting Elidel cream on them. This seems to remove the redness around every pore, which is good cuz if it is red then I know that something is in there that needs to be picked out and by gosh I will pick til I have a scab the size of a dime! My biggest concern now is the back of my thighs....what a mess! I get ingrown hairs in EVERY follicle, so of course I obsessively run my left hand (for whatever reason, the fingertips of my left hand are overly sensitive and can find even the tiniest imperfection--I hate it) over the skin all the time in search of any imperfection. I have picked the skin so bad that I have brownish purplish scars everywhere! I also feel that when I allow the scabs to heal, that the hair that is growing back gets trapped even worse under the scar tissue, so of course, I must pick it. I need HELP!!! I just feel like such a freak. My husband doesn't get it and he thinks the picking is gross. I also have another skin disorder called Lichen Sclerosis which affects your genitals and causes atrophy and fusing...it is very depressing to even type the words. I just feel hopeless at this point and need to know if anybody can pass on some good advice to help diminish the scars or at least help me to stop slaughtering my legs. I can NEVER wear a swimsuit again which is truly sad because I have 3 young kids and I feel that we are all missing out on so much. I also worry about my second oldest...it appears that she already has picked and she is 10 years old. Such an awful habit/disorder. I saw a therapist once and she had no clue. She made me feel very much alone and misunderstood so I will never go that route again. Hoping that you, the experts, can weigh in with any advice. Thanks:-)