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Evey , 07 Dec 2010

Anyone else who just wants to stop? Let's help each other!

Hi All, I'm new to this forum and reading through all the posts, although bringing me to tears, also made me feel such a sense of relief and unity as my actions and feelings are mirrored by so, so many of you. My picking is out of control. I'm almost afraid to admit how long its gone on...at least 14 years...i'm 26 now. Like many of you, I pick almost everywhere possible, any bumps (real or imagined), ingrown hairs, blackheads, spots, scabs. I don't know why I do it - it doesn't seem to matter if I'm upset or not, it's just a complete and utter complusion. I'm pretty, good job, great friends and family, I take so much care of my appearance and work out like crazy - but every single day and night I maim myself. Going 1 day without picking would be a a huge achievement for me. I don't ever leave the house without make up, I don't go swimming anymore or do anything that would show off the tops of my legs. Often I have to force myself to leave the house after spending over an hour putting make up on and making sure the cuts and scabs I've made are covered as much as possible. I absolutely hate that I do this, I'm so, so ashamed of myself. The only person I have ever told about it was my ex (and that was becauseI couldn't hide it anymore) who was very understanding. I would give anything to stop. I've tried hypnotherapy, but sadly this didn't work for me. I saw another earlier post about the 21 day challenge and was wondering if anyone out there would like to start this with me this week? I really think it would help so much to check in with other people and see how we're all doing, posting each day to motivate each other. If anyone is interested please post and we could choose (God, I almost wrote "pick" there then thought the better of it!) a day to begin and go from there? During the 21 day period I'm going to force myself to wear gloves and a head scarf at night to stop the picking and turn off the light in my bathroom so I can't see in the mirror when I take my make up off. I just want to stop it so I can have a normal life. Thanks all, Evey
73 Answers
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MissyMe
December 31, 2010
Hi Everyone, So it's 4 am and I have been picking since 1. I mostly pick at my face, but I also pick by chest and back. Often times there is really nothing but black heads or small bumps that I seem to make dramatically worse by picking. I am really upset and ashamed at what I do to my skin and I would like to try this 21 day challenge for myself. I've tried talking about it with my fiance and he tries to understand but we often just bicker about it. I don't know why I do it, but I know that my irritated skin is good evidence that I should seek help before the damage gets worse. It's been so long since I've gone confidently without makeup and I guess I'm just tired of fighting with it. I've been to doctors and dermatologists. I've tried hundreds of different cleansers, topical creams, vitamin supplements, etc. and nothing seems to work. I know picking makes it worse than it really is so I want to stop, but the impulse to do so is really strong. I can go hours picking and not even realize the time that has passed. I know I need to stop but I am not sure where to start. Any suggestions?? Melissa, 21
deathcab_88
December 31, 2010
hey Melissa! Just wanted to reach out to you and try to give you some suggestions, I'm only on day 2 but I have learned to just think positively about my skin and how it's going to look if I stop picking, which will be clear skin :) so try to imagine yourself with clear skin and hopefully that will overshadow the picking. If not every time you want to pick try to come on here and vent, go do a chore, go make a meal, keep your hands busy do something else and just stay away from the mirror. To fight your impulse maybe just go outside for a walk, go to the gym, walk a pet etc. Hope that helps! and if you need to talk reply on here and I will respond to you as soon as possible :)
Shorty999
January 01, 2011
Listen to your fiance...I know I don't like to hear what my boyfriend has to say, but ultimately, they are right...they only want us to get better...I think we need to start listening to them...were only pushing them away if we don't...right?
rdebruyn
January 02, 2011
It's not quite as simple as "Listen to your fiance". People that do not have this problem usually think that all we have to do is stop. I'm sure we all pray that it was that simple. I'm completely open to talk about my problem (but do tend to avoid showing it). A good freind was always vocal whenever I would raise my hand to my mouth. I would typically just pull my hand away until I was asked quite dramatically "Why do you do that anyway?". We finally had a conversation about it where she finally understood that if I could stop, I would. The conversation had to get past the heated debate before she could sympathize. After that the tone would change from "STOP IT!" to "please stop". That simple realization greatly reduces the shame and stress and actually gives support. I do believe that we need to openly talk about our problem at least with those close to us. It may push some people away, although that's never happened to me. Hopefully, it would change some of the more negative feedback to a more positive, helpful support.
Shorty999
January 02, 2011
I wasn't trying to be unsympathetic...If I didn't have this problem/disorder myself, I wouldn't be on here...I've been doing this for years since I was a teenager and Im now 28, but Im getting to the point where Im realizing after being through a divorce and a living-together relationship, it does push them away. My boyfriend used to try to help, but will no longer help because he got tired of me getting frustrated or yelling at him when he'd try to correct me. Now, I wish I would have cooperated with him more so he'd be there more to help me. Like I said in my reply..."I know we don't want to hear it, but we have to start listening to them." I'm not just some joe-schmo who doesn't have the same disorder on here criticizing people. I guess it's just like being an alcoholic or drug-addict...you can go through relapse many times, but you won't change until you're ready to change and you've hit rock bottom. This is my rock bottom and Im ready to start listening to those around me. Do you understand what Im trying to say/
rdebruyn
January 03, 2011
I agree communication is needed. My comment was merely that they need to be ready to listen as well. They can only truly give help and support once they understand that we're not choosing this. To do that we need to be ready to open up and they need to be ready to listen. In your case, you may have been openly communicating and regret that you didn't let him help more. Others may not be there. I was trying to clarify - not attack. We and everyone else on this site are here because we share this poorly understood problem. I don't doubt you for a second. I've lived with this for 40 years - I'm now 49. I know that we can gain control - I've done it twice in the last few years. Once for 9 months and again for 12. I also know that it comes with low points as well. I didn't realize that you were in such a difficult time and apologize if my comment seemed out of line.
Shorty999
January 03, 2011
It's ok..sometimes I misinterpret things too, so no hard feelings. I also don't feel that people who don't have this problem really understand it well and it's embarrassing to talk about it to people who seem completely unbothered by a scab or pimple and have great looking skin. I partially blame the media...just like people who have eating disorders...you see these actresses/models with beautiful skin and acne commercials of products that are suppose to work overnight when the average product takes 3-4 weeks. It's just not right that we feel we have to be that image of those beautiful models etc. I love the newer commercials of hanes underwear of women who are of all different sizes...I wish theyd do the same for skin care products!
nessasmaxin
January 04, 2011
I totally feel you. I am down to do this with you. I think the gloves is a smart idea. I probably will look funny at work in gloves, but i find work being a place i pick alot. I have talked to counselor about it, but they aren't kidding when they say its rare to find a counselor who knows about this. Definetly was told i was compulsive and it might be related to stress. I do have really high high anxiety. 2011 new years resolution: RELAX! but definetly for the next 21 days I will wear gloves. I mostly pick my face and my back. I can't really do that with gloves. So I wish you well and I hope tomorow will be day 1 free of picking for the both of us!! Good luck.
Thisismyusername
January 04, 2011
I want to never pick again! But for right now, 21 days sounds reasonable. I've been picking since I was 12, right after my parents divorced. I just got out of a loooonnnggg 3 1/2 year relationship, and there is no motivation that is more stressful than starting to date someone with AMAZING skin. Ughhh! I hate him. Not really. Anyway, there is no time like the present to try and fix this. I'm supposed to have dinner with him on Sat, and if I could NOT look like a swollen pubecent teenager that would be great... I love that there is a place we can all be supportive for one another, because for so long I thought there wasn't. Wish me luck!!!
Shorty999
January 04, 2011
I know the feeling...I think I focus on it more because Im living with my boyfriend who has always had amazing skin and rarely gets a pimple! Sometimes, i guess, I worry that he will think Im less attractive and could get someone better looking than me. :(
RRW513
January 06, 2011
I think this is a great idea. I can't go even a day without picking, but I am willing to try. I think it would help to find someone to hold me accountable. Like someone who I could IM every night and we would check in with each other and ask if the other picked, and talk about it and give advice.
anonymous31894
January 10, 2011
I can't believe I am doing this because I am really not into online blogs at all but I have been trying to stop doing this since I was 13 and I think the main issue is I know no one else with the problem and I don't like talking about it so I have no one to check in with. Everyone here wants to stop, and it was my new years resolution that I unfortunately broke already but I'm restarting....30 day challenge, who is with me? You may or may not care, but I will be recording here each day that I am successful in not picking, and I will include any tactics I found successful for you.

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