I've Decided to Stop.

I haven't worn shorts or skirts without knee-high socks or knee-high boots since I was in middle-school. Now I'm 18 and am going for a job interview this Wednesday, and am horrified because my arms and legs will more than likely be exposed. I've been picking scabs and skin on my legs ever since I can remember, and I've begun to pick more and more at my arms. In fact, I have what appears to be an abscess on my left wrist that stays a dark purple, even when it scars over. I think the skin below the surface may either be infected or even rotting (if that's even possible). I have VERY fair skin, so my scars and scabs are all bright red against my skin. It isn't a nervous habit, I just tend to not realize I'm doing it. But if I do happen to notice myself about to pick something and stop myself, it's a real struggle not to fidget and squirm in my seat. I know what I'm doing is wrong, but I can't seem to stop myself. I hate the scars, I hate not being able to wear shorts, I hate having to cover my arms, and most of all I hate feeling like I NEED to pick my skin. My mom knows I pick, in fact I also pick my scalp and use my thumb nails to get things out from underneath the rest of my nails, and she always yells at me whenever I do any of the above (including picking). I want to fix the problem now more than ever, but I know when I tell her I want to go to the doctors, she'll tell me I'm being dramatic and blow me off like she always does. I'm already being treated for depression and anxiety with medication, and after YEARS of struggling to find the right medication, I've finally found the right one. I'm afraid to take care of the picking, because I'm afraid I'll have to change medications. I'm finally able to be happy on my current medication, and because we can't afford therapy they're probably going to take the route of medication instead to try and fix it first. I just know I can't stop on my own.