breakdown

I am at my worst today...I was doing so well and was healed up on my face all except 2 spots, then I went crazy on my face where it is so painful and swolen. I lock myself in the bathroom. I know people in the house know what Im doing and i know what Im doing is wrong. I want to stop, but can't. I hate seeing the peeling skin from my eczema...I want it gone...I want to tear it off. I know Im sick, but I don't want to admit it. I know I need help, but dont know where to get it. My boyfriend will not help anymore...he only says "you need to help yourself and be a big girl and have self control." It's not even like that...he doesn't understand. Today is the first day I took the Clonazipam...I was trying to get through this without relying on medicine...but I can't do it anymore. I hope it works, but I feel like a freak knowing I have to take that stuff. I just want to be normal like everyone else in the world. Im tired of wearing bandaids and explaining myself...."o, it's infected cystic acne"...etc...when it's really me eating away at my skin. Why me? Why do I do this? I hate myself and I hate what I look like. Will it ever stop? Ive tried everything. I feel like a failure. Thanks for listening to my story, but I just needed to get this out of my head and on paper. Help me!