changing my ways. let's help eachother.

i've been doing this since age 15. i just wanted to add that i'm very close with my parents. i only wonder why my mother has never said a word to me about my picking. i have a feeling she knows when i'm doing it, because [when i was living with my parents] i would go in the bathroom for hours and come out with my face destroyed. i feel so anxious and psychotic after i do this to my skin. i don't want to feel that way anymore. i hate the feeling of putting on so much make up to try to mask it, only to feel intense anxiety that people can see right through it. for this reason i have avoided going out in daylight by any means possible. i'm ready to see my skin the best it's ever been. i've read it's an impulse control problem. i've had impulse control problems in the past with sex as well as drugs. all of these things have done absolutely nothing good in my life. i quit doing drugs years ago, besides pot.. but i've actually made a commitment to not smoke at all until i've caught up with my school work. i dont even feel like doing it either. i quit having sex a few months ago as well and it really does feel good to not feel used. i'm taking control of my impulses now. i just need encouragement to fight the day [today] while my skin is still healing and not so perfect. ********************************************************************************* my skin isn't even that bad. it's just what i do to it which makes it bad. i read something about it and some people call it "Acne Excoriee des Jeunes Filles". that is french for acne caused by young girl. they say " The French believe that women do this as a subconscious way to avoid sexual attention from men, in other words, to stay young girls instead of women". i can honestly say i've felt this way before, but my feelings are contradicting. with the standards of beauty in the media, i feel like "why bother trying?" why bother trying to look beautiuful when i'm not when compared to images of these "perfect" women. i've also sometimes wished i wasn't even born a woman, so i wouldn't have to worry about trying to look pretty all the time/feel beautiful. it's just really hard because i've even felt like sometimes, when my skin isn't good, i don't even want men looking at me because i don't feel beautiful myself. i'm ready to stop. i realize that i will never be perfect. i am now accepting it. i'm ready to move on and be the best me that i can be.

Ive spent 12 months with badd marks/scabs etc on my skin. Ive been trying to hide my face under coats scarves etc! Iv got to the point where I am fed up with not being able to look at the world in its eye. I want to be able to go out with confidence again and this has been part of my motivation to stop. Dont stand close to the mirror-have a healthy balanced diet-use some natural remedies every week. This is all you can do to look after your skin. Ive done it so much now-my skin is starting to heal and I cant bear the thought of going back in that cycle. I know that if i look closely, 9 times out of ten I will go out of control with it. I am trying to remove my skin out of my mind, concentrate on other things. You'll feel sooo much better when you have let your skin to heal and leave it to. Strive for normal skin withour wounds marks etc. But dont strive for perfect skin. Megan Fox, Cher Lloyd and celebs like victoria beckham all have far from perfect skin and have gone through bad spot phases.They al,probably have worse skin than yours! Ive seen pictures up close. If that was our skin we'd be picking a lot wouldnt we. They leave it and it does get better on its own. You have to break the cycle. You have to one day. Choose today. But dont beat yourself too much at the moment. Yes you have marks on your skin at the moment but you have got a problem. You didnt ask for this problem. Dont worry what anyone else thinks too much. You have enough going on in your mind. Just try to relax wherever you go, be kind to yourself. This is what you need to start getting better. Try to avoid mirrors almost completely for a while. Before you know it your skin will start getting better and you'l feel so motivated. Much love Sho x