So Glad To Have Found This Site

I just found this site and I am so happy. I never had any idea about this disorder and I never thought to look up my condition before. However, within the last year, my skin picking has become a major problem in my life and I desperately want to quit. I have been picking the skin around my fingers for so long. I can't really remember when I started. Maybe around 6th grade. I used to bite my skin, and I still do, but I mainly pick my thumbs now. I will pick when I'm stressed, nervous, sad, angry, embarrassed, afraid, bored, or really just anytime. I pick all day and I don't even realize I'm doing it. I have cuts and patches of skin missing all along the sides of my thumbs and the patches continue to grow. I make myself bleed all of the time and I get pleasure from this. I love to make myself bleed, squeeze my thumbs, and make the blood run down by thumbs. I love to see how much blood I can get out. I even sometimes lick up my blood. Now, my nail beds are caving in, there are lines and ridges going down the middle of my nails, and they have become discolored, like greenish-yellow. I'm afraid I may one day lose my thumbnails. I'm so ashamed of this. I am an elementary education major currently involved in student teaching. Some of my students are very perceptive and they have noticed by fingers and how bad they are. They have asked me what's wrong with my fingers or what happened to them. It makes me so embarrassed. I have tried covering them up with bandages and such, but they just end up falling off or falling down and then I pick again. The most success I've ever had in trying to quit picking was a few months ago. I did not pick my fingers for close to two weeks. Then, my life and college became very stressful and I went right back to picking. My picking is at its worst right now. I'm involved in student teaching, I'm now living alone, my boyfriend is away at college, and I've been having some problems in my personal life. I just really want to stop this and move on with my life. My boyfriend has been trying to help me. Anytime he sees me picking he grabs my fingers and holds them or he yells at me to stop. But that almost fuels me even more and makes me anxious or angry. My fingers hurt all of the time. I always have open cuts on them and I'm sure to get an infection, or maybe I already do. Before, I have always tried to hide this problem from everyone around me. Now that I know what it is and that it's a major problem, I have been trying to talk about it more and seek support. I look forward to talking to everyone about this and I'm glad to know I'm not the only person suffering with this.