visable spots only you can see looking close

Why do i do it? I try and squeeze out little percieved micro bumps which i presume is a clogged pore or blackhead. I will go to extremes. I cant stand them. Then before you know it i have created big wounds. I dont get spots-i leave scabs alone because i know thats its part of the healing process. I cant bear to leave it-even though it is v small. I find it hard to believe people do just this-exactly what i do. They arent even blackheads- i manage to get little "plugs out"-but they arent black and you go only rele see them if you look close. I have scabs and healing marks/scars all over my face. The more i leave my face/from checking it etc the more anxious I get--I HAVE to check face or im not okay. Is this really skin picking disorder or am i an over obsessed stupid girl who needs to get a grip! Once i know that "they" are all out im satisfied with my skin- the more i leave my face the more i think they have "all" come back and i'll have to search sometimes when i get one out i slowly start scanning to see if i can do the same thing to another. CBT hasnt helped me- Some spots-like a very small whitehead-or a red bump which will go away on its own quite quick- i can leave. I hate the thought of a deep blocked pore or blackhead- or a V V small bump which needs to be squeezed - or the stuff will get trapped and expand bigger?! i worry if i dont get them out they'll turn into a cyst or something-get deeper and generally look ugly. I just cant let it stay there. I cant take it when i start to see more and more of these-i feel more disatisfied and worse. Because the possibly of clear skin seems impossible to me at this point and i feel almost ugly kind of. (even though my skin is clear!) I also presume that when its all turned into a wound and scabbed up- that theres stuff building up underneath and they will come back worse becasue when i squeezed i pushed "dirt" deeper etc and when they all drop off they'll need to be cleaned out again. Its kind of like im going to lengths to prevent.. oh i dont know!