Well, I thought I was going to be okay...

Since my last major face picking episode a couple weeks ago, my face has been slowly healing and I thought, maybe I'll be okay. I've had some compulsions to pop fresh pimples and peel away old flaky skin, I would get going for a couple of minutes but not enough to do real damage, and I'd stop myself. Last night while watching t.v. on the couch I started rubbing my shoulders and the back of my neck, then feeling little bumps on my skin. That progressed to rubbing and picking at my back (something I don't do often for the obvious reasons, it's my back and not so easy to get at) but I went at that for an hour while watching t.v. The whole time it's like I was in some compulsive trance. When that was over I went into the bathroom to lift my shirt up and try getting a peek at my back, a little red and bumpy, but no major damage. Okay, I thought...I'm alright. But something was not right, it's like a switch had gone off already that evening and I couldn't turn back. There was this urgent sense of compulsion and anxiety to fix myself. I looked at my face and still wanted to leave it alone. It wasn't my face this time, it was my body. I began focusing on tiny bumps on my chest and just started picking away. This also lasted for an hour, in front of the mirror, like with my face pressed up against it, that's how close I was. From my chest I progressed to the original area from earlier, around my shoulders. My chest and shoulders are now all marked up, like a ton of red polka dots. My right shoulder in particular is very sore and lesioned. I haven't picked at these body parts like this in a while. My face is usually the primary target. Also, I know I'm going to start my period any day now, and I wonder if the hormones have anything to do with this. It seems like so many things can trigger me, but this may be one of them. I also ate a pizza last night for dinner, very cheesy...sometimes after eating certain foods I get the urge to pick. I know I'm looking for a lot of reasons why I do it, but the bottom line is I think I don't like the way I look. I've been picking since I was a little girl. I'm pretty sure I'll make it through today alright. I just want the madness to stop.