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EllenSkinPicker , 21 Feb 2011

I didn't realize this was a serious problem until now.

I'm 16 and I've been picking for as long as I can remember. When I was little it was mosquito bites and scrapes from falling down that caused my legs to look horrible. I would count how many scabs I had and I would be so upset. I would start picking at something on my face and I would get a huge scab. Usually right on my nose or cheeks and all the other kids made fun of me for it. All the scars on my legs are thankfully gone. I remember looking at my older siblings acne and think to myself that if and when I get acne its going to be horrible. Well now I have acne and blackheads. I can't remember a day when I haven't picked in the last 3 years. Every time I am in the bathroom I pick. I get really close to the mirror and pick at the acne that people can see, blackheads on my nose that people can't see and tiny tiny spots that look like they will become acne but aren't, causing red spots all over my forehead. If the acne becomes a scab I tend to eat it which I haven't told anyone. My family gets so mad at me because I spend so long in the bathroom and I've told them time and time again that it's not like I try to be in there so long, once I pick I can't stop. They don't think of it as a big deal but I do. About two years ago I started picking at my cats acne, which is what I feel the worst about. I realize I'm doing it and that I should stop and I tell myself to but I can't. It's affecting me now more than ever, I have so many scars on my face and I feel so ugly. I also like to go tanning, which doesn't help scars at all and makes them worse. I also tweeze my eyebrows a lot (before I start picking I tweeze my eyebrows) but I don't know if that has anything to do with the picking. Does anyone have similar stories or thoughts?
11 Answers
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EllenSkinPicker
February 21, 2011
I'd also like to point out that I have ADHD and depression, which I think is part of the problem.
Blisscreek
February 22, 2011
Your story is so much like mine, but I am 38 years old now. I picked the same way you do till I was 12, but then I stopped. I didn't pick again till I was 27 and haven't been able to stop. Infact I thought I was the only one with this problem, because I have never talked to anyone about it or looked into getting help to stop...didn't even cross my mind till last week. O.K. Here's the good news. I'm a successful business owner, I have a wonderful husband of 17 years and 3 beautiful children. So there is soooo much hope for you. The thing that I'm finding out as I do research on this destructive behavior, is there is ussually a reason why someone picks. I too was medicated for ADAH as a child. I hated being labeled. I would sneak and not take my meds, it made me feel broken. My Mother was married 5x by the time I was 12. I know I must have felt an enormous amout of stress because of that. Bottom line.....I didn't feel worthy. So I'm not sure yet if I pick because I'm punishing myself, or I'm in so much pain inside I want my outside to match or maybe I am pushing people away from me so I can't get hurt. I mean you have to really love me to hang out with me because I pick till I'm ugly. All I know is I have had enough, I know I'm worthy and I know your worthy. Lets try to stop this consuming destructive energy release together. I feel conected to you...
Kirsty
February 22, 2011
Hi, I really hope you don’t mind me contacting you directly but I’ve read your post on the drop in clinic forum and I thought you might be interested in our project. I work for a TV production company called Maverick TV. We are currently making a documentary series for ITV on the subject of emotional and behavioural issues in children and young people. We hope that it will be a landmark series on this subject, shedding new light on an area of health which is often disregarded by the media and highlighting the need for more support for families whose children are experiencing such problems. It’ll cover all sorts of different conditions, from OCD, Dermatillomania, trichotillomania, mood swings, panic attacks. We are in contact with a network of specialists, institutions and centres in relation to the documentary – for example the Anna Freud Centre, Rethink, The Brandon Centre in London, and are currently in talks with Maudsley Trust and the Institute of Psychiatry (King's College London). If you’d like to chat further with us or know someone else who would we’d would love to speak to you – possibly with a view to featuring in our documentary, or even just to have a research chat to understand better what it’s like. Once again I really hope you don’t mind me sending you a private message about it. k.calvert-ansari@mavericktv.co.uk or call 0207 874 6694.
EllenSkinPicker
February 23, 2011
I've given some thought as to what the exact reason may be and I'm thinking it has to do with my family situation. I don't know my birth father and my birth mother did drugs/smoked/drank when she was pregnant with me (surprised I'm not more screwed up) and who I consider my mom is actually like my second cousin. I have two half sisters from my birth mom, one I see because she was adopted by my grandma and the other I have never met, though I do hope to find her some day. Anyways, who I consider my mom is not good to me at all and has hit me a few time in the past (one of the worst I remember was when she left a handprint on my back). I really don't like her at all but there's not really anything I can do about it. Thanks for giving me some hope for the future. Although I'm 5'2" people have told me I should be a model which is something I really want to do but with my scars I feel like I can't (every picture of me has to be extremely edited before anyone sees it because of the scars). Today I was going to start the 21 day challenge but I saw one pimple and had to pick at it, and then I started picking at others. I'm going to try again tomorrow and I am going make a log of how long I can go without picking.
Blisscreek
February 23, 2011
I think that's a good idea, I will keep a log too. I was doing really good yesterday and today, but then that overwelming feeling came over me after my evening workout. I took a shower and then while I was getting dressed I looked in the mirror and started to pick the healing scabs. I stopped before I had done to much damage...I read my sign. (I am not perfect...but I am worthy) and I made it away before I went into to much of a trans. I'm feeling very disapointed in myself right now. Although I will not let it get me down, I will not go back and pick. I will start again tomorrow...:) Oh and I bet you are beautiful....
EllenSkinPicker
February 23, 2011
I felt the same this morning and picked a little bit but stopped myself. I think my first step towards the challenge will have to be limiting the picking because I do it so many times a day and for so long. If I can work towards completely stopping that would be great.that's a good sign I am going to put that up by all the mirrors in my house.good job for stopping yourself and not letting yourself be too upset about it. i don't think i'm beautiful but I guess others do which is what I have to think of. If others like me I should be able to like me.
Blisscreek
February 24, 2011
I started my log today, I did pretty good. I had 2 picking episodes for a total of 15 minutes. My face is looking better. I noticed over the last two days that I feel like going to the mirror or putting my hands on my face when I'm feel stressed or anxious. So I need to find something else to do that gives me relief during those times. Don't know what...yet, but I hope I can find something. I also started thinking about any common factors between your adolescent years (which your at the tale end of) and my adolescent years. One thing I noticed was our mothers made very bad decision that effected us profoundly. Your mom did drugs and didn't keep her children. That's awful when you think about it. My mom kept her children, but married a different man every few years which was awful too. It didn't really matter what you or I wanted, because it was out of our control. The hope of having a healthy normal childhood was flawed from the start. I'm still trying to figure it all out, but the more I try to understand it the better I feel. I will check in tomorrow and let you know how I'm doing. I was wondering does anyone give you a hard time at school over picking? Or do you hide it well enough no one talks about it?
EllenSkinPicker
February 25, 2011
They don't give me any trouble. The scars and picking got really bad after I switched schools because my mom (not the birth one) was getting divorced and we had to move. I used to hide it but i don't bother trying anymore. Kids at my school are more quiet about things but i'm sure they think about it or talk about it behind my back. yesterday wasn't good with picking but today was definitely better and i have noticed my face looks better too.
lexyw
February 25, 2011
hey guys. it's interesting thinking about families and childhood...mine was for sure messed up too. parents divorced when i was 5. my dad was a rage-a-holic if that's possible. but he emotionally tormented me, my mom, and my younger sister throughout the divorce/child custody and support battle...which basically lasted for 10 years. my mom has serious depression and spent my junior year of h.s. asleep in her room. so, yeah, i guess i felt helpless and trapped too. i couldn't go to my dad's cuz he made me sick and i didn't want to be at my mom's cuz i felt so sad for her. she's still depressed to this day and is a MAJOR source of stress in my life...anyways, i sometimes have felt like picking was "my thing." like something i did by myself, away from all the chaos. i also think being raised in a really stressful environment leads to physical symptoms of stress in kids. and then we have a really hard time learning or understanding how "normal" people deal with stress cuz we never learned.

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