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i've got to stop
So I've been picking at my acne since I was about 10 and now that I'm 20 I've really got to stop doing this. I've been trying to stop for a few months now and had some success with taking a picture of my face every day and writing down how I did (I was never able to get more than 2 perfect days in a row but I picked a lot less overall). I live in a college apartment so I covered up the mirror in my wardrobe with pictures after bad picking sessions and lists of all the positive things that will happen when I stop and all the negative things that happen when I continue, the other mirror is out in the main hall so if anyone else is in the apartment I usually don't do it because I would be embarrassed if anyone saw me. This past week though I was on spring break and I went on a family trip and didn't pack any of my cleansers (no liquids in carry-ons thanks tsa) and I had access to a mirror with good lighting and a door to shut. It was absolutely terrible, I knew how bad it is for my skin, I knew that my family would be taking lots of pictures but I did it anyways. At first it felt so good but then I was disgusted with myself after each session but I still went back to the mirror again and again. I've got just over a month until the semester ends and I go back home and have access to a private mirror so I really want to kick the habit now when it's much harder for me to find a place to pick. My goal is to go for 30 days straight without touching my acne. I've read that it helps if you make yourself accountable to someone besides yourself and since I find it very hard (and embarrassing) to confide in anyone I know about my problem, I'm going to try and post everyday on this board how I do each day. It took me a long time to realize how destructive this habit is and even longer to honestly want to stop doing this for good but I know that if I don't get a handle on this now it's going to be even harder to stop and my skin will be more scarred
April 09, 2011
Day 13: loooong day, I didn't get much sleep last night and stayed up till 2 am on a friday working on projects (I can't wait for this semester to be over), but the important thing is that I didn't use picking as an outlet for stress. I'm also very proud of myself because I was able pluck my eyebrows and be up close to a mirror without going nuts on my face. I'm pretty excited that I'm almost halfway there and I'm finally getting used to the idea of a life without picking
April 10, 2011
Day 14 I can't believe that I made it 2 whole weeks! I've found that I'm becoming a lot more social, yesterday I went to a play with a guy friend and today we along with some of our other friends hung out and played video games and watched a movie. I'm normally a social recluse so going out on both friday and saturday night and being social is nothing short of miraculous for me
April 10, 2011
Htmk-aww wel done.! X
April 11, 2011
whew day 15 half way there! The next 15 will end up being the real challenge because the semester is almost over and I've got what people at my school refer to as hell week, dead week, and murder week (finals week and the 2 weeks before finals) coming up and as you might imagine they are quite stressful so I'm glad that I got the ball rolling on my no picking goal before now so it will hopefully be easier to resist. I'm also excited because for the first time in a while I'm thinking about actually wearing some sort of spaghetti strap or halter top type shirt now that it's hot outside, it probably won't be in the near future because I've still got a lot of scars on my back but hopefully I'll feel confident enough to wear it before the end of the summer
April 12, 2011
Day 16, so i got some really bad news today my great uncle has been diagnosed with liver cancer and probably only has a few weeks left. To me he is really the only grandfather i've known, to put it in perspective I didn't shed a single tear over my actual grandfather's death and I've been crying all night after just hearing that my great uncle doesn't have much longer. Tonight was really hard because there's always been something comforting about popping pimples and it helps me feel like I have some sort of control over my life. I started to pick a little (i still didn't look into any mirrors) but then it occurred to me that if he was there and saw me doing that he would tell me not to ruin my pretty face over an old man like him. The next few weeks are going to be really hard with this on top of all my final projects and final exams coming up
April 13, 2011
day 17, not much to update, I absentmindedly picked at one or two pimples in class but nothing major
April 14, 2011
day 18, it seems that i've hit the acne break out portion of my cycle that always seems to happen once a month. It is nice though that what I consider a breakout right now I would''ve considered a good day a few weeks ago, but that still doesn't help with the temptation because I've got 3 really nice pimples on my face right now but i have to keep reminding myself that they're the kind that look good but when you pop them they never have a head or anything in them except plasma and blood
April 15, 2011
day 19, im really struggling right now because I'm so stressed out and I just want to go nuts on my face to make myself feel better