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Princesscjayy , 27 Mar 2011

I don't want to do this to my face anymore..

I hope that by writing down my story will help me figure out a way to stop. I am 24 and I've been picking at my face for the last 3-4 years too long. I find myself sitting in front of my magnified makeup lamp analyzing my skin and trying to remove any bumps belong the surface and blackheads that make me feel ugly and take away from what would be a pretty face without them. It all starts when I have idle time to myself on a day I am off from work sitting in my room. My motives are to make my skin look better yet subconsciously knowing I always end up with scabs I ignore the reality and begin gently only planning on picking one blemish turning into an hours worth of picking all over until I am satisfied. Once I am done reality hits as I stare at the mess I have created and try to remedy a way to help it heal faster. Almost everyday I am forced to hide these scabs behind makeup. The sad part is I am actually a medical esthetician so I am obsessed with skin imperfections. I can extract others faces at work gently and safely but it is never the case with my own face as I don't know when to stop and keep going even if it is hurting myself. My job calls for my skin to look good and I am in a constant challenge to do so trying to have perfect skin yet never being able to achieve it. I am always conscious of people looking at my skin and it makes me feel insecure when I am otherwise a beautiful and confident person. While the makeup hides these scars I am able to make my skin appear nice when it is not underneath. It was once so bad I called out of work - I know the seriousness of this disease and I am ready to put an end to it. I don't know where to begin the desire to pick is always there as I am constantly seeking out imperfections when I look in the mirror. I resist the urge most days and find myself picking about twice a week when I am not busy. I don't know if I should take up a hobby? Something requiring busy work of my hands? Wear gloves in my room? My boyfriend knows I do this and I always tell him after an episode that I feel depressed and want to hide my face but he is never around when I do it how can he support me? I would appreciate any other ideas anyone has to offer I am so disgusted by this behavior :(
11 Answers
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whatcouldhavebeen
March 27, 2011
hi Princesscjayy, i feel your pain. i have been a picker my whole life and it led me to such depression and social anxiety. i've been trying recently to not touch my face at all. i apply some apple cider vinegar (on a kleenex) to my trouble spots, then i dab on some vitamin e. i wear very little make-up anymore 'cause it always seems to clog my pores. and also, i was NEVER good at applying it! (which i'm sure you are) i pat on some powder and blush. i guess the biggest thing with me is not to touch my face a lot. because, like you, if i feel any bump, it drives me to want to pick it out! i hate bumps. i always want my face to be even. but, after all these years of trying to "even" things out, i created much more damage than if i had just left it alone...i wish i could do it all over again... it's funny, scabs don't bother me. i leave them alone to heal. i guess i see them as being flat and healing, so i don't go after them. it's when the scabs eventually come off, that i have the problem. that's when i want to feel that the area is smooth, not bumpy. i don't know where this comes from, but i don't seem to be alone in hating bumps...
waylander
March 27, 2011
Hi! i find i'm more likely to pick when i have 'idle time' too, so i try to avoid it. I have a really good book ready and waiting for the next time i get bored and i knit and garden to do things with my hands. I still manage to pick between times, but not for 2 hour sessions anymore, and i'm working on getting it gone completely. I also have one mirror which shows my imprefections beuatifully - thats the one i pick at. if you have a particular mirror that shows you too much detail, get rid of it, give it to someone to look after for a while - just remove it from your access. you know how it is, most of the things we see as huge imperfections ripe for the squeezing are not even visible if you stand a foot away from the mirror, which (with the reflection) is about as close as anyone sees you anyway. only check your face in one of these 'flattering' mirrors where the light isn't good enough to pick, and hopefully you won't even notice the bumps we will inevitably get. good luck!
sho1234
March 27, 2011
I'm sat here with red marks-scars and scabs! I look too closely and remove the smallest of irregularities. The little bumps and blackheads-I believe they keep coming back becasue I didnt do it right in the first place or I didnt do it in a clean enough way to start with. Its very obsessive I know. Its so tireing. I used to look at my face with a magnifying mirror and look realy close-I dont do this anymore because I think it gives us an unrealistic view about our skin. I think the things we try and remove etc is actually on lots of people's skin but they dont touch it so it looks normal. Im trying to go back to the method where I stand back a bit and if there is a "proper spot" with an "actual head" then I will dab a bit of tee tree oil on or garlic. I know that if I keep obsessing about all the really small things Im never going to be able to stop because they are inevitable really-even more so that we keep squeezing and enlarging our pores. I mean i used to be able to leave skin for a way much longer time than I do now. My mum said my skin looked glowing--and on that day I looked closley-saw one thing then squeezed everything I could find out of my skin! And from another persons point of view my skin looked really good! God knows why I did it that day. And I understand about the boyfriend thing--when you feel alone- I am alone! In my boyfriends bedroom destroying my face while he is doing other things and talking to the family!! Have a read of this-its defo worth the read: http://www.stoppickingonme.com/index.php. X
katie1093
March 27, 2011
tee tree oil and garlic? i have never heard of this before. where do i find the oil? is it a capsule or a bottle? i can relate to everyones post. it is amazing and comforting that we experience this disorder. i am sitting here with a red face, scabs, etc. i feel absolutely horrible about myself. i could relate to the 24 yr olds story above. i dont use a magnifying mirror anymore. i tell myself to only pick the spots with a head and i always end up picking more. i have not gone to school because of how my face has looked. i am so lucky i dont have many scars. but i realize this is going to happen if i continue. i am an attractive person and then i pick and feel so ugly. other than this my self esteem is good. this is really taking a toll on it tho.
htmk
March 27, 2011
I have a similar problem, I pick the most when I'm bored or stressed out. My first bit of advice is to get rid of that magnification mirror, remember that the only person who looks that closely at your skin to see those imperfections is you and that to everyone else it probably looks just fine, don't even let yourself lean in close to a regular mirror. For me once I spot something I begin to obsess over it and no matter how hard I try my willpower almost always caves and I start picking at it. To fix this I took pictures of my face immediately after bad picking sessions and made a list of all the positive things that will come of my not picking and all the negative things that will keep happening if I pick, I took these and taped them up all over my mirror. This has worked really well to help stop my long picking sessions because I'm reminding myself of the consequences and if nothing else I can guilt myself into not doing it; it also helps that this severely limits the amount of usable mirror space for you to use to pick. It's really hard to quit and you can't just go cold turkey and have it work the first time but you should try to and then see when you give into your urges and what sets them off, once you have a better understanding of yourself and why you are doing this it'll be easier to stop, just know that this is not something that is going to happen overnight and it's going to be tough but you're not alone!
sho1234
March 27, 2011
Tee tree oil in a bottle. I use the one from culpeppers but unfortunately company closing down. The oils r very good quality from there and r pure. Its important to buy oils which are pure and no chemicals added. If i see a little something i put a drop onto a cotton tip and dab it on it. Helps diminish them. Also i cut a piece of garlic in half, juices come out and i rub a TINY bit on any blackheads. It'l help shrink them and lighten them plus fight bacteria. Tea tree oil and garlic r both v strong so only a lil dab is fine. But little clogged pores will be inevitable really-the ones we look at . Its v v important we take our eyes back a bit,stand bak and look at the absolute top surface of our skins as an overall picture. One quick scan if we have to-then walk away-dont search-if we didnt see anything obviously staring out to us- walk away. Look how long we've been doing this to our skin and we stil r finding things to get rid of. We cant do it this way forever can we-we never seem to be 'finished' and do it again but how long do we need to carry on doing this to feel like we've actually finished. Imagine if all of a sudden our skin changed,pores no longer got blocked,we never got anymore spots and all we could see every day for years are clean and completely empty pores up close,completely clear-like our skin and its mechanisms froze. We kind of hope and expect to see this everytime we look close to the mirror but its an unrealistic view of our skin. Its not what we will achieve. We are only stretching our pores and creating bigger and actual worrying things in its place, which put us down and drive us to pick more. X x x
AndreaAnonymous
March 29, 2011
Hello Friends, I have been really trying to beat this compulsion, I know it can be done, its like quitting anything else (smoking, coffee, alcohol) when the craving comes I have to be willing to be uncomfortable and do something different (blast music, pick up knitting, meditate) until the craving passes which it does in about 20 minutes. Also I've put up "road blocks" as I call them, example, I keep my only pair of tweezers in locker at gym, because i am not going to pick in front of everyone, I installed small night light in washroom and put masking tape over the light switch, and I taped a picture of my face after a picking spree on my mirror to remind me, I hope something here is useful to somebody. Much Love all
htmk
April 03, 2011
I did the same thing with my mirror and it's worked out pretty well for me. I think one of the hardest parts about breaking this addiction as opposed to others is that our skin is always with us, if you wanted to break a coffee addiction you could lock yourself in a room with no coffee until you broke the habit (a little extreme but you get my point) but with skin picking your skin will always be right there because it is literally a part of you so the temptation is right there all the time.
Thelastday
April 03, 2011
Well we are twins... I am also an esthetician in the same situation. I had been successfully not picking for almost two months... My skin was perfect. Then who knows why I just had to check it over and I obsessed for an hour and tore it all back up. I hate the way it makes me feel but I do it anyway. I just have to start over again. We will succeed eventually...
Princesscjayy
April 03, 2011
guess i'm not the only one! since posting this thread I've been pretty good about not picking.. my motivation being that I am going on vacation and really don't want to have red marks all over my face.. I've been also convincing myself that the small imperfections I see are really not visible to anyone else.. when I don't pick I get so many compliments on my skin which is a good feeling but I completely understand your situation after doing so well how it feels to fall back and have to start all over waiting for your skin to heal =/
maria
April 03, 2011
i have a partner who is a picker i love him to death but that doesnt stop him, i have tryed being nice mad angry understanding but nothing works. i didnt realise there were so many victims to this i know they find it hard but also do the ones that love them watching them day in day out,if only i had a magical wand just to make it all go away, wouldnt that be nice, instead of these two words STOP PICKING. its nice to know were not alone.

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