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A Quick Journal Entry
All throughout the day I couldn't wait to get home, and now that Im here, I am miserable. I started feeling out of control the moment I started feeling anger at my husband. He just wants me to be okay with his behaviour, and I want love. I want him to respect me, but I can't control him. I can only take responsibility for myself. I deal with anxiety, fears, and insecurities...and I just don't know why we humans after suffer so badly. It is hard to see the purpose in this suffering.
April 03, 2011
You're OK. Marital problems can make you really, really sad and lonely. Life is also very difficult from time to time. It is difficult because we are complex beings of free will. What we have is a gift and a burden. It is a heavy responsibility to possess the knowledge we have has human beings. Never-the-less, whatever it was that made the cosmos, saw fit to give this gift to us and I do not take that lightly.
I do not know your name. My name is Naomi. When I feel lonely or as if there is no one who understands me, I say to myself, "Naomi. Loved by God" I don't know why it helps, but it does. If this God is OK with me, since he knows every single thing about me, every thought, every mistake, my true soul and all the good intentions I have for so many of my actions, then I am OK with me. I realize that what others may feel about me, is just because they don't know all things that God and I know. So when someone treats me bad and I am hurt, I remind myself that I I am still loved and God thinks I am perfect. It's OK.
Hang on. All things change. If you don't know what to do, rest assured, things will resolve themselves without your assistance. You may experience pain. Don't be afraid of it. Remember that pain is transient. So is a broken heart. Live your life. Allow yourself to experience suffering. There is a reason you are here, whether it is clear to you or not.