this forum is the only thing that helps-please help

I am 24, I have been picking since I was about 13 or 14 when I started getting acne. I'm pretty certain my father did it as well. I've been reading this forum for some months now, I've known about csp for about a year. I still can't believe that I'm not crazy and that this is a real problem. I have tried to 21 day challenge and only made it to the third day. Reading this forum is the ONLY thing that has helped me so far. My acne just won't go away. I've told my friends and family, my boyfriend. But I haven't been able to stop since my failed 21 day attempt. Now my face is worse than its ever been, with two huge scars that I'm sure won't go away for months maybe years. I feel so ugly. I can't go anywhere without makeup on. Some of my pimples are just so swollen and painful. I have no insurance to go to the dermatologist or to get meds for my anxiety disorder. I just don't know what to do. I need to stop but I feel like its too late...my boyfriend comes back from africa in less than two months and he will see me with all these ugly scars and I don't want to hate myself anymore, because other than my scars I have no major problems with my appearance, and when i put makeup my face is very pretty. maybe writing this will help. I just have to stop. please help.