day 0-but there's hope!

So... I have picked for well over 10 years (I'm 25) and it has ALWAYS been so embarassing. I try to stop and it is so so so sos os os osososososo HARD!!!!!!!!! But recently I have been just researching online for advice and tips and have been trying to "pretend" like my skin is normal by treating my skin like a normal non-picker would. I put on obsessive amounts of lotion (it's hard to pick when your skin is all slippery) when I'm in the bathroom, and if I feel the urge I turn the lights off FAST so I can't see. I even have to brush my teeth in the dark sometimes and wash my face in the dark. It works. Turn the lights off before you even get that urge because you know the urge is coming as soon as you catch sight of your face in the mirror. When I catch my hands feeling around on my arms or neck, I *try* to force them palms down on the table. I just want my hands to be still FOR ONCE!!!! Today for the first time I didn't wear makeup to work to cover all my red bloches from my morning mirror session because I DIDNT HAVE BLOTCHES FOR THE FIRST TIME!!! Granted when I got home I lost control. But I made it all day without makeup. That is a HUGE turn for me. I wasn't able to make it the whole day... but to me this is progress. I just HAD to write about it. For the first time in my life, my skin is smooth and I can't stop touching it. My skin has always been dry, dull, flaky, ugly. Don't even look at my elbows or thighs because it's embarassing. I have ugly red dots (like mini pimples on my arms and legs) called KP, I've always had it and it just beggs to be picked at! But a week ago I started taking massive amounts of vitamins like vitamin B, D and Fish oil, along with cranberry extract, St Johns Wort (couldn't hurt the anxiety), and a blend of stuff that supposedly relaxes you with Kava root in it. Apparently skin picking is what people do who are anxious. This is the first time in my life I realized I am so anxious. To others I seem so calm that I even had myself fooled. But it turns out that if you pick, you are anxious. Bottom line. So I am taking relaxation pills that I got from whole foods. I'm not sure if it's "working" but hey, its worth a try. At least the vitamins are working because even tho my skin isn't "perfect" it IS smooth and baby soft to touch. I can't believe taking vitamins for a week did this to my skin!!!!! It is such a pleasure to run my hands over my skin and notice something GOOD!!!!!! WOW! For the first time in my life I feel hopeful! If you can't stop picking, at least start taking vitamins and put on lotion and brush your teeth in the dark. At least you can experience smooth skin and then maybe you won't want to pick anymore!! I hope that for me anyway. GOOD LUCK!