I need help! New to site

I am new to this forum and came across it by accident but it quite literally took my breathe away
I am a 36 ur old Mother of 2 boys 12&15 in a 20yr relationship with their father just not married and have several health problems which all seem to have genetic factors as the women on mothers side all have some type of auto immune disorders from minimal to quite severe. I've also been diagnosed as a manic depressive since age 12 next was OCD diagnosis then ADD and alotta other acronyms I have a cousin with severe trich and when my eyebrow pulling started and rapidly progressed to NO eyebrows at all plus a crazy waxing compulsion (upper lip, under chin etc) my therapist at the time (I was 14) said it was trich it is now I realize it may be but I know I have a skin picking habit that has scarred my chin, browbone, neck, legs, bc I suffer from ingrown hairs as well as dark thick Italian hair and pale skin I cannot stop digging and picking until the hair is gone. Not only that bit any bump, at all has to be eradicated on site. Eyebrow hairs barely get a chance to appear as a speck beneath the skin before I attack. My boyfriend gets soooo furious he's thrown out magnifying mirrors, bent tweezers he does not get it. I thought no one ever would. Right now my chin and nose are completely covered in brown scab from a black head massacre that ended in a skin massacre. The worst part is I'm very vain, I won't leave home unless my makeup is perfect and I do this to MYSELF knowing that I'm going to be upset and stuck in my room basically until this gets better bc idk how to cover THIS without making it worse If I did I'd exfoliate all the scab put creme on pink skin and makeup on top and that is awful for skin and looks awful after a few hours bc it crusts up. I cannot count things I've missed bc I just cannot leave and be looked at like that! I feel like I've just found a lost sister as I'm reading some of the forum posts I am stunned that other people really do go thru this and have every intention of talking to my doctor this month about this he is my general physician whom I love and who listens and helps when no other doctors seem to want to. If anyone has tips to how they heal the aftermath of picking and or what type of concealers, foundations etc work I'd really appreciate it.

Hi starshortyrock, just keeping in touch with whomever wants to talk on this forum about our lovely complusion. Just like you, I have some awful dark scabs as well as some large dark scars on my face from this terrible disorder and pretty much become homebound (I do go to work though) because my vanity gets the best of me. But I have since been trying hard to overcome the vanity and I do go out in public with NO makeup on displaying my sores, scabs, scars and all because I'm sick of having to feel perfect and trying to look attractive for people I will probably never meet again. And it's hard and exhausting to cover up this stuff ! not to mention time consuming! just as time consuming as it cost to make the sores etc. and then it just interferes with the healing process and I fear the makeup will cause infection. But my doctor has kindly put me on amoxicillin twice a day to help resist the start of an infection. I have tons of different types of concealers and foundations, from neutrogena acne concealer, to clinique, urban decay, bare escentuals, tarte. I do like all these products though! they are kind to my skin and have not caused breakouts for me which nearly about any product i put on my face does. Right now my focus is healing my sores and scabs, and diminishing the scars while using products that will kepp my "other" skin looking healthy. I use this Silver gel on the sores which is great! and i use paula's choice scar reducing serum on the scars plus murad's spot correcting serum which are both great as well.

Sarcastically, Im glad to see there are others like me out there, because its a sad and painful place to be. My problem is facial hairs...upper lip, chin, neck, and eyebrow region. and the cycle of seeing or feeling hairs, pulling, picking, and usually digging hairs out at any cost, and leaving behind deep bleeding infected skin that is so sore that my skin hurts, and then trying to cover it all up with makeup without caking it so thick (impossible), which I think causes a delay in healing. A trip to a dermatologist, also hard to face, face to face, revealed I have permanently scarred the skin underneath where those pesty hair follicles are, and that scar tissue itself is why my facial hair doesnt grow out like they used to. I am so embarrassed and ashamed. I do not leave the house and actually have tape over my computer camera. I dont want anyone to see the freak mess on my face i have made. But since there are sadly many of you like me......what can we do to heal, change, repair, whatever, the scarred skin underneath so the hair follicles can go out correctly, or at least not as bad? I think if i could go thru some home made treatment to help repair the damage i have done below the skin surface, I would be better able to handle this. Like some of you, I do not know of a time in my life when my facial hair was not the #1 priority and obsession in my life. I always thought it was hormonal, and my skin had toughened from aging, but now I see I was doing it to myself all this time. I had a partial hysterectomy at age 29, and a total hysterectomy at 36. I am now 61. I have even instructed my husband at my death, keep my casket closed because of the sores and scars Im afraid I will have, up until my death. So stressed

Tweezert / mfklaren 686 / starzshortyrock / whatiswrongwithme / merve / jmetz / helpme098 / katiegardner / Danielle527 / Yukki

I need your help....something we all need I think from all your comments. Any ideas anyone????

Shit I thought I was the only one.. I sit here with a sore spot above my left eye.. I was doing so good and my eye finally healed but it feels like my face is tightening from the hair(s?) That are growing under my eyebrow. I just thought f it I'm getting that hair out.. or at least breaking it so I feel some relief..
Needless to say, I didn't get it out nor break it and my eye will be once again f'd up for 2 weeks until it heals.
I feel like I'm going crazy... ;( my doctor is a dick and says it's in my head.

Oopsididitagain...What is particularly alarming is when you wrote " it feels like my face is tightening from the hair ". This sounds like a form of delusional thinking. Some sort of sensory overstimulation which possibly makes you perceive the hair to be tightening your face when that is not the case. Do you experience any sort of bodily or skin sensations or tingling? An overstimulated nervous system can create such sensations...and then your mind can go to work manufacturing reasons for the stimuli. This in turn creates the picking behavior...which is meant to dispell those sensations by visual assessment. In other words, you try to eradicate the sensations of a tightening face by visually removing the "offending hair follicles". And in doing so, you force yourself to believe that you are helping your body. The visual appeal of having pulled out a hair serves as proof to you that you were able to get rid of the culprit of the problem...a form of purging. Yet the problem was never the hair in the first place. You simply convinced yourself that it is the hair at fault for how your skin feels.
Can you in any way relate with that description?

I need help

Hi honey, I relate with you on every level of your picking habits and husband/people not understanding me until I sought help and stared to openly discuss the disorder by excepting it and educating those around me about it. Where you’re at right now is the exact way my disorder began!! My tweezer does not leave my side!! I’m 3 years into the disorder unfortunately. I’ve stopped the eyebrow digging but instead my disorder is now focused on spots or blemishes on my face that I literally attack. I don’t know where to begin even explaining my past present and future affects, actions, emotions, progress, fall backs, treatments I’ve gone through for this disorder. Let me know if you would ever want to talk more!!

Im new to the forum as I've just been diagnosed. It's obviously not a new 'thing' but giving it a name seems to have helped. Would love to talk to other sufferers

I to stand in the bathroom mirror and tweeze out my eyebrows to the point where there are none left only hairs trying to grow back into the deep deep craters I've created. Hell like you all I don't even stop when the blood is rolling down my face. One time after work I picked for 6 hours non stop and the next day my eye had actually swollen almost shut, but did I stop no I picked those tweezers up that morning and started over even through the pain. It's true that if we feel like we get all the hairs somehow it will miraculously clear up and go away it's a visious cycle.
Mine all started when my boyfriend would let me pick the ingrown hairs off the top of his bald head, back, and face and eventually just picking at him wasn't enough I started picking at myself as well. He eventually grew to hate the picking and yells at me alot and even threatens that if he would leave me that I still probably wouldn't stop. He is always telling me how my eyebrows (or lack thereof of) look like shit. You'd think I'd wanna stop but it only stresses me and I run to the bathroom mirror and start "trying to fix them" I feel like I'm in a lonely place with no one who understands that's why I'm so glad I ran into this forum and like tweezert had mentioned the thought of giving up my tweezers makes me sick to my stomache. It's getting harder to hide from the outside world because my make up is no longer wanting to cover it all up unless I cake on thicker and thicker each time. Does anyone have any advice for me? I forgot to mention that I manage a restaurant for a living so I'm constantly in public talking with my guests. And starting to look like the ugly person I've become.

Hide the tweezers or put them in something that makes them hard to get at like wrap them in cling film and then put in a zip lock bag. Might give you a chance to think about what you are doing. If it takes you a long time to get to the tweezers maybe it might make you change your mind. If your anything like me picking them up and attacking is so easy to do. So making it harder helps me. I've also started using hydrocolloid patches to create a barrier and help heal. I've also seen others taking mirrors out of bathrooms etc. I've just moved house and when the mirror was wrapped up to move I didn't obsess so much.

Obviously I don't know your relationship but it sounds like your boyfriend isn't very supportive. Telling you you look like shit is not very helpful for people like us. What I've discovered lately is that the only way I can try to tackle this is focus on myself (in a positive way rather than hack at myself) and surround myself with positive supportive people. And remove negativity that makes my condition worse. Only you know what's right for you but start putting yourself and your recovery first xx

Hi Scooby
Thanks for the advice I've literally just spent another 3 hour on a digging frenzy I'm so angry and disappointed in myself right now and have one hell of a headache from it. I constantly tell myself I'm done doing this and fail every day. I've even actually thrown my tweezers away and then go buy new ones. The only thing about surrounding myself with supportive people is I haven't told d anyone except my boyfriend and my therapist. I have my therapist convinced I'm ok because I don't want her to be disappointed in me it's gotten so bad that at my next appt. I'm pretty sure the make up isn't gonna hide anything tho and I'm gonna be exposed and I'm super stressed about that. My daughter knows I don't have my own eyebrows but I don't think she knows the severity of why however my face is soon gonna show because like I said I can't even cover this shit anymore. Thanks for responding tho I'm at an all time low and I'm glad you took the time for me. Gonna take some excedrin and try to get some sleep.

I have noticed that a big trigger for me is getting to know new people in person. Or having to be in close proximity to someone. After years of avoiding the dentist I had a whole bunch of appointments lined up...and it was the most stressful experience for me recently. Basically two years of having to see my dentist regularly, try to form a dentist-patient relationship, have him work close to my face, etc. It increased my picking and made me constantly stressed. I couldn't handle it at the end and had a meltdown/ left in the middle of treatment. Same with meeting new people. Recently I stopped going to the dentist and stopped being social...and my picking decreased. It becomes worse with close proximity and the social norms of having to form basic attachments in the form of social relationships. I fear closeness, both emotional and physical. The picking correlates with that. Sickening.

I have noticed that a big trigger for me is getting to know new people in person. Or having to be in close proximity to someone. After years of avoiding the dentist I had a whole bunch of appointments lined up...and it was the most stressful experience for me recently. Basically two years of having to see my dentist regularly, try to form a dentist-patient relationship, have him work close to my face, etc. It increased my picking and made me constantly stressed. I couldn't handle it at the end and had a meltdown/ left in the middle of treatment. Same with meeting new people. Recently I stopped going to the dentist and stopped being social...and my picking decreased. It becomes worse with close proximity and the social norms of having to form basic attachments in the form of social relationships. I fear closeness, both emotional and physical. The picking correlates with that. Sickening.

I also have to point out that your boyfriend might be contributing to your increase in picking. That's not ok for him to put you down when obviously this is a serious issue. I don't know...if I was in your position I would think whether it's best that I let such person go.

Thing is he is extremely good at turning the situation. Around and making me feel guilty at being hurt because he said when it gets to the point that the make up don't cover it up he won't be seen in public with me. I think I mentioned that I pick at his bald head (with his permission) and he said that all he is to me is my fix then I end up feeling really guilty about that. I don't want to blame him for anything because I have to own this and take control. I'm just so tired of failing at it and fighting with him about it. He feels like he competes with the tweezers and says I don't spend time with him because I chose to pick at either him or myself and now I'm feeling guilty because I've made him feel this way. I don't feel like I'm good enough. At this point and at this moment I just want to turn around and not look at any of this and have a new persona one that never picked up a pair of tweezers. I hate myself right now.

Being blunt and honest with you....that's not a supportive individual. He will only cause you to pick more. He is ashamed to be seen in public with you because of the picking? That's just sad. In my life I learned to discard that sort of person quickly and efficiently. They simply don't understand and don't care to understand. Plus, it's pointless for him to try so hard to change you. You have to be with someone who you can accept... otherwise the relationship will suffer. Skin picking is a chronic disorder that is extremely difficult to beat .... The relationships you choose have to compliment your struggles. For example, I chose to marry my husband because of his patient demeanor and his understanding of skin problems. He battled cystic acne when he was a teenager and therefore understands the hardships others go through when it comes to skin issues. I knew that with him I won't have to face constant judgment...and I feel "safe" and calm knowing that he won't think low of me when I do pick. Your main relationships have to be supportive because they affect your overall mental well being. The more criticism and judgment, the more likely you will pick as a subconscious form of self punishment.

I know this post was from a long time ago. But I just am so excited because I’ve never thought or heard of anyone having these same problems as myself. I constantly pluck at my eyebrows. I have to get every single hair or I feel disgusting. To the point where my face looks ridiculous from all the bloody scabs and scars