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Sunday - a hard day to resist picking
I am on day 5 of no picking - which is really exciting. I am sitting on the couch with my husband and all I want to do is get up, go to the mirror and get all these little bumps. All of my scabs have healed and I have a big week ahead of me with work. I am really trying to focus on positive things. Maybe I need to get up and get busy doing something creative. Is anyone else struggling today?
June 05, 2011
yeah. it has been a challenging day. haven't broke any skin but attempted too. got these dull tweezers, won't catch a hair,skin, or anything. guess that's kinda good for me due to knowing "one I start, im in the zone". been rubbing and touching my scars asking myself how did I really get here. man the feeling of shame, guilt and embarressment. iwas at this n.a speaker jam, got some recovery going,16yrs clean from drugs/alcohol, and was around all these people who was glad to see me,love me, and sharing messages of hope and promise of freedom from addiction and felt so shameless,inadequate,insecure. of course its hot as what. can't wear capris or short sleeves. my arms/legs look like I just took an iron round stick and burned myself. im light brown skinned black girl and its verry noticeble, especially forearm oh right wrist and both hands. I just was pull the skin off just to open the wound,put bandages/neosporin on it thinking the start over healing process will make better. NOT!!! don't think so, it gonna hurt,can't shower,wash dishes, etc.etc. see I got to play the whole tape. its going to do more DAMAGE than good. so i m just gonna leave self alone and find something better to do with self. im proud of you girl. you can do it. we don't have to be our own victims to this jacked up mental disorder. when urge come play the whole tape. love ya!