I wish...

I wish I knew more about this disorder before now. I felt so weird before, like nobody could possibly understand what it was like to try and stop picking. I've been trying for several years now... and nothing sticks. It's scary to think about not being able to pick anymore, but also to think about what will happen if I continue to. It's not like cutting, eating disorders, alcoholism, etc. because you don't ever have a near death experience as a result of picking. You just feel bad about it and ashamed. Yeah I hate covering up the marks, or being unable to wear tank tops and such, I hate the time I waste doing it... but it isn't killing me. Also, there are not as many resources for people with compulsive skin picking as there are for so many other problems. I really really want to stop, I've been trying to for several years now. It's so hard though, because I feel like I am not in control of my hands. I've tried keeping my fingernails short, but that didn't work; I've tried knitting, but I got distracted; I've tried relaxation exercises, but that also just didn't take or work. I'm giving zoloft another try, and I've started trying to keep a direct light off of me. Because if I can't see what I'm doing, I am less likely to do as much damage. Sitting in dark rooms is depressing though, so I'm not so sure I want to keep that up. I think I'm going to give gloves a try while I'm at home, I'm trying to think positive thoughts about how well it will work... I feel bad when I pick around my family, or when I know they know I'm picking, or have been picking. My little brother tries to subtly distract me, by coming and talking to me while I'm picking. It makes me sad. He really wants me to stop, and I feel guilty because I can't. I saw that vaseline ad about protecting your skin shield, and almost cried. My skin shield is crap and needs protecting from me. If you have any more suggestions for things I can try to stop picking, please let me know.