My picking story age 25

OK, here is my picking story. I know was picking my face in 7th grade for sure probably before that time is when it started and I’m been doing it all the way now at age 25. I think it all started when I looked into the mirror and saw some little dots on my nose. I could see the dots (blackheads or clogged pores or whatever they are) but anyway I could see these little dark dots and I didn’t want them there. So naturally I squeezed them out to get rid of them. Only later to come back again and then the whole process repeats itself. With my picking, I would at least like to say it is somewhat justified. I had back heads in my nose and I didn’t want them there so I squeezed them out. You have something that is not desired and so you do something to get rid of it. That makes logical sense to me. The problem is that they always come back. I don’t pick for just the sake of picking, most of the time I pick because of pimples, zits, white and blackheads. For example I don’t pick at my palms of my hands because I never get pimples on the palms of my hands. I also don’t bite my nails. Like today I put my hands on my forehead and I felt a sore spot above my eyebrow, the start of a pimple. So I went to the bathroom and saw the spot and squeezed it and some clear liquid came out. This is wrong to do? Am I just supposed to let this sore spot develop into a pimple or whatever? I would like to think that popping them is like fixing them but am I wrong. Sometimes when I pick on my face, I end up squeezing out lots of white gunk, I felt a bump on my cheek and squeezed it and sure enough it was a clogged pore and some white gunk came out. So my question is, am I supposed to get this gunk out of my face or just let it sit there having dirt in my pores. And that pores scrub stuff I don’t think it has ever worked for me. The only thing that has worked for me is squeezing those stupid blackheads out of my face. I have put a few small scars on my face and I’m not happy about them at all. I HATE the fact that I do this thing. I HATE it, but for some stupid reason I can’t stop doing it. This one time I didn’t pick on my face for an entire month. Then I went to the restroom and I saw all of these blackheads in my nose that had built up for that months’ time period. So I squeezed out tons of gunk out of my nose and then felt bad afterwards. What am I supposed to do, let all of that gunk sit in my nose? I wish to God that I didn’t have pimples or pores or clogged pores, all of this crap needs to not happen. I hate that I do this, it makes me very upset, why can’t I just be normal and not even pay attention to my face or how I look and just not care. That way the pimples just come and go and you never pop them to get scars. I have found one thing that has reduced on my picking, and that was to remove the mirror from my bathroom wall. Yes, I completely removed my mirror from my bathroom wall and it has helped me cut down on the picking because I usually only pick in front of a mirror, if I have no mirror then it becomes pretty hard to pick right. The only problem is that I go to another bathroom to pick there, and I can’t remove that mirror because someone else needs it. Remove all the mirrors in your house, that for sure will help anyone who picks. OK guys, I’m tired to living like this, I’m just going to say screw this picking habit and never pick again. I hate living like this god damn it. I even saw a counselor at school and talked to him about it and I don’t even think he cares. He didn’t help at all. Damn it. Damn everything. Why did this have to happen to me. Why do I have to be a face picker. WHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYY I don’t like it yet I do it. That is freaking illogical! I hate what I do but I do it anyway. Good God!!?!?!??!? I actually think this goes way way back when I was a little kid. I had chicken pox and had scabs everywhere. There was this one scab on my chest and I couldn’t help but pick at it. I eventually ripped it off. I still have at scare today. And this reminds me, just the other day I had a scab on my foot and ripped it off too and I had a scab on each of my hands from doing yard work and I picked them off too and I have this scab on the back of my head on my hair area and I’ve been picking at this scab for several weeks now. Ok, I think I finally figured out something. There is something about my personally that makes me prone to picking, its not just the face and sometimes my arms but scabs too, and I’ve had this trait way back like 3 grade, that’s when I got chicken pox. Holy crap, why the hell am I like this. Well I think I’m going to end this, but just writing about this I think helped me. I think I have a better understanding of my condition. Even right now, I just started picking another scab spot. I’m going to have to be more aware of what I’m doing and watch my behavior and habits.