There is hope

hi vensas. just read your thoughts here and felt that i just wanted to give you some encouragement. being with an 'emotional abuser' is v dodgy if we happen to be pickers or not! it is dodgy full stop. i know because i have most definitely been there, a couple of times actually. - have courage, use this site to get support and whenever picking urge comes along - think of all of us here, we are all in this together. strength in numbers. we are all trying to quit and life continues chucking out challenges but if at least the picking can be moderated then that could give you a little self-empowerment, its a start anyway. - maybe when picking urge gets bad get thoughts down here, ring friend, take son to park, whatever. i feel for you because i did some of my most destructive picking whilst trying to escape relationship with my daughter's dad. ie. put anger inwards because couldnt get it out appropriately. The good news is that what seems like an eternity stuck with the person and feeling like there is no escape - does eventually sort itself out. i have friends who have also been in hideous situations/separations/divorces and what seems like an impossible situation somehow begins to unravel and sometimes even a friendship between the two people has arisen at end! - Yes i agree with your comment 'probably have to learn of other ways to deal with emotions' - harsh but TRUE. You can do it but main thing is please dont be hard on yourself, it is a tough situation, tough being a mum, much less having an unsupportive partner. however one final thought is that one of the therapists i spoke to a few years ago referred to the picking as a coping mechanism. if this picking is only way to cope at the moment then just maybe you may actually need to use it to get by for now but concentrate on getting to a new foundation/space with your son as the priority, you may find that you are so busy doing that and finding new and healthy pursuits and new beginnings that the picking becomes a habit of the past. if it takes a year to get appointment then maybe just making that appointment could be a first step. in my view the 'knowledge is power' is important here, check if simply having some psychology sessions could affect custody - i would be extremely shocked if this were the case. more to the point i would consider it a healthy response to a bad situation, i.e. rather than giving up you have sought some positive support from professionals. cannot see how any 'judge' could see it otherwise these days (maybe years ago when it was seen as quacky but nowadays it is common practice). Vensus, with very best of luck to you and just get as much support around you as possible, web-sites, friends, networks, courses, etc, etc. you can get picking sorted as well but from what you say it v much sounds like getting your freedom is priority here as it may be just a little too much to try and attempt everything. of course if you can find alternatives to picking - even better! think we all have different times - dont think i could have perhaps have given up picking before now, this just happens to be right time as have a bit of a 'gap' in the dramas of my life, with you it may be now or it may be when youve got your separation sorted. whatever or whenever - sending luck, good wishes and positive everything to you.