Arms and back, scarred for life..

Hi - I am 34 years old and am the mom to a one year old. I have been a nail biter since I was 8 - I think a defence mechanism for the physical abuse I suffered. Four years ago, I started picking my chin, chest, neck, and back. After the birth of my son I started picking my legs feriously. I have scars and I know what you mean about clothes. I can't wear shorts in the summer. I see a counselor and a psychiatrist. I'm on 40 mg. of Lexapro. Nothing is helping. Not sure what to do.

first posting.. i could write a book. how do i summarize the last 16 yrs of my life. i am 43 yr old wife and mother . started skin picking approx age of 28 brought on by extreme pressure in my life. trying to please everyone. work, family, inlaws school. would sit for hours in daze watching blood pour after satisfaction of scab coming off then shame for doin so. hrs flew by. usually late at night when no one was around or aware. afterwards routine of trying to cleanse what i had created by taking shower or hot bath. i tried to in sense take care of myself when others turn away at what i was doin for the next 3 yrs. wearing long sleeves and pants i hated myself for what iwas doin yet felt satisfaction in how oddly it relieved stress. tho it created more probllems for me in society. husb turned blind eye. went cold turkey after about 3 yrs. eventually healed and marks disappeared. niot sure how long it took but remember buying creams to fade scars that had bleach as ingredient. that was over 10 yrs ago. in that time i had gastric bypass and often thought how sad that was to have felt such sorrow inside me to pick myself apart.. such a dark place.. never thinking id ever go there again..... last yr husb left me for hs sweetheart after 22 yrs marriage... i relapsed for two weeks straight.... hiding in bathroom when i knew possible. picking for hours. all over my bodyanywhere i could reach if i felt a bump i persisted to dig it out... needing to feel something other than gutt wrenching loss of husb leaving. .. i stopped after 2ks, but had less than handful of small spisodes that i relapsed. ever since ive had to wear long sleeves and pants and its killing me inside. realizing no one will ever love me again with these scars on my arms that are scattered from top to bottom. dark marks and flesh raised bumps they hold me back from believing i will ever find love again. my job where people whereshort sleeves all the time, i wear jackets or long sleeved shirts beneath my scrub. they wonder but never ask.i feel so alone... wishing for miracle to fade marks on my arms once again but realize gastric bypass may play role in healing of those areas and being older... shame... shame.disgust. divorce impending.not dealing well at all with loss of husb then hating ,myself having scarred myself up bc of heartache when he left.. he doesnt care and never did and i did this to myself over my hjeartache over him.... fool...not sure how to go on.dating,told im beautiful but i putt up walls before i would have to tell my dirty secret... hopeless..... how do i fade these marks to help me let go of my past?

Siince I created this post, I have not picked...... I am so proud of myself, and seeing how proud my hubby is really helps! I scrub, rinse,lotion and use swedish bitters on my arms and back. Has help a lot! Cut my nails so its harder to pick too;) the scrubbing and swedish bitters has been my rescue! I paid $ 26 or so for a big bottle, and soak cottonballs and smear it on the skin. Been doing this for a week or 2 and can already see a big difference! Try it, its awesome:) Other than that, I have a great hubby ,who helps me every night, with the back and arm routine. There are guys out there who cares so much for you, not only will they accept you even with your skin picking, but they will help you. Find that person, and share with them why you are picking and how it affects u.. don't hide it! I found my person, and I can talk and explain my frustrations and issues, and it helps me to not pick:) planning on seeing a therapist soon, so I can prevent future picking. Sheabutter and cocoa butter is helpful in getting sccars to disappear too btw.I use the palmers oil too, to reduce scars and stretchmarks. Cheap options that have worked for me ! Hope they help you too:)