Help

I live in the states and have found that in general, western medicine does not handle this stuff well. Your average dermatologist or doctor doesn't seem to be trained to handle it bc they haven't been trained in taking a holistic approach, and picking is a symptom of a much bigger problem (that bigger problem varying for everyone). Thats just my personal opinion. I've had an eating disorder too, I still do but its much calmer now, and picking has in some ways replaced it. The eating disorder was about many things. One of them was the feeling of being dirty and wanting whatever it was that was "stuck inside" me out. I felt alienated from my peers and I was swallowing a lot of dysfunction from my family. So much so I thought it was inside my body.In a way it was inside me because energy and feelings/trauma seem to be remembered by the body, or my body remembered it at least. I wanted to starve out the poison I couldn't name so I could feel pure and clean and safe again. The same goes for picking. I hated myself when I started getting pimples. My mom one day told me everyone squeezes them. I still feel angry she would tell me that and didn't understand how bad that suggestion was. I remember the feeling of relief of seeing something "dirty" come out of me. It gave me a visual to go with how I was feeling and I finally felt I could "fix" everything. My best advice is to keep talking to people who have lived with this, not just read about it. No one has understood or helped me more than people on here. I know its really hard to admit you have to deal with it and the feelings it brings, but the way I look at it (on a good day) is that its a sort of window into what you need to work on. Its a very clear sign there an many things left unhealed and needing attention. Im speaking only for myself here. I don't know if would acknowledge my issues if I didn't have my scarred face reminding me everyday just how much pain I've been in and the potential I have to hurt myself bc others have hurt me. But the flipside is I have the potential to really change and learn how to protect and love myself without hurting myself. I hope to one day help others learn how to do this. I know there are a lot of young people struggling with issues like this. I think if I can learn from my set of problems how to be stronger and a better human I could maybe help others do the same. Im not trying to say I think this disorder is a gift. I think it fucking sucks. But what we do with where we are at matters I think. I hope you get some help here, or somewhere. Things can get better.