Weight and Picking

Like most of you out there, I was so happy when I found this site. No one else understands why I pick my face-I mean, I don’t even completely understand it! I want to tell you about what I have experienced and what connections I have made regarding my weight issues and skin picking because I have benefitted so much from reading others’ personal stories…but first let me explain. I am 24 years old and I was lucky enough to never have dealt with teenage acne; my friend (who I have known since high school and who now works in skincare and knows about my issue) even said how flawless my skin was. Now I have to tell you the backstory-I have always enjoyed squeezing pimples. I know, so gross for someone who doesn’t do it but for those who do, they understand; there is this sense of such satisfaction in “getting” a pimple. This started when I was younger (like 9 or so) and I would “get” the ones on my father’s back--again, I realize how disgusting that must sound to someone who doesn’t pick. Since I lucked out in the skin department when I was younger there was nothing really to pick but I distinctly remember in seventh grade that I could squeeze the side of my nose and “white stuff” would come out. I remember telling my mom this excitedly and her saying that it wasn’t a good thing. Cut to 8 years later and all of a sudden at 21 I’m experiencing pimples for the first time. Now my life had become very stressful around the time I entered college but my outbreaks didn’t start until I was 21. It started slowly at first; I would just get one “big” one (or should I say big to me at that time--oh what I would give to have those “big” ones now) and I would pick it and I would be so embarrassed about how “ugly” I was. I read one user’s comment saying that she was lucky enough to be naturally pretty and how her parents and her boyfriend would just tell her to just stop—and even though it sounds a bit stuck up (okay A LOT stuck up )-reading that comment, I could completely relate. Although I have never been super heavy and I have always been told I am pretty-I can remember how self-conscious I have been since around the age of 11 about my weight and then when I started having bad skin-well just add it to my perpetual self-consciousness. I was smart, I was popular, boys have always liked me-yet weight and now my skin are my constant battles. What I have noticed is that whenever I get strict about getting healthy-you know really eating right and exercising-I pick more!! But when I eat whatever I want, my skin gets better! Am I the only one to experience this?! It is such a catch-22 because if my skin looks good, without a doubt I feel I should be working out more; but when I feel self-conscious about my body (i.e. I am eating what I want) and my skin looks good, I pick my face. It is so frustrating and demoralizing and no one seems to understand because they either tell me I look great or to just stop picking at my face. Picking my face makes me feel like crap about myself and I don’t want to leave the house because I don’t want to be one of those girls who piles on the makeup, but when I feel heavy and not my best, I don’t fit into my clothes right and I feel lethargic and I don’t want to go out either. I just want to know if anyone else has these two issues together. Oh also, the advice of “just go running or exercise when you feel like picking” doesn’t really apply because obviously will still want to pick my face-it’s like nothing is as cathartic as picking my face is.