frustration

Aw, well... you are definitely not alone in your battle! Tomorrow will be my first day to STOP this thing we do to ourselves. If you want to get somewhere... you have to start somewhere :)

This sounds SO much like when me. The thoughts when you pick, about not being able to stop, that things woluld be so much easier without the picking, covering up ect. I mean it takes so much energy, focus end happiness from our lives. I think you should try and fint a clinic with really skilled skin specialists to help you clear your skin. I have had some dermapeel treatments done severel times within the last 6-7 years. It really helped and helps to clear my skin, so that now I don¨t have as unclean skin as I used to have. I live in Denmark, and that is where I had the treatmenst done. I really am not sure if there is any place that can be compared to the clinic I go to. BUT if you search on skin clinics and skin care in our country something should com up. Maybe I could try and ask her at the clinic I go to, what she would recommend other countries, cause I know she isn´t fond about just "normal" beauty salons and stuff like that. The pealings I´ve had done is where you get some sort of "cream" put all over your face, it hurst a bit and the you go home and cannot wash your face for 12-24 hours, and within about seven days your skin starts to peel of. What it did is, it helped the skin to heal, clear up, and look better, long term. Cause, I know you wrote you have acne, so it´svery important that you get help to your skin as well as to the picking. Get treatments that helps, and good product that helps the skin everyday. That said, I know that the picking is like the biggest problem, cause, if you/we get treatmenst and continue picking, then the cycle goes on, even if the skin is better. I KNOW THE FEELING of not wanting to have any inclean skin, feeling sad, unnormal, not good enough, out of control, hiding it from others, the sadness, everything. So I would also recommend that you find some sort of body therapy. I´ve tried Body- Sds (it means body self development system), it´s a danish system, but I think they might have someting that reminds of that system in other countries. Anyway, seek for some sort of body-therapy, AND very important, trust yourself when you try someting, trust that YOU can feel if it helps you, and it if doen´t find another therapist or another sort of therapy, we know ourselves what is good for us, we can feel it, trust that. I was told, without saying anythin myself, that I had gotten phobia about pimples and unclean skin when I was young, that I would fear that it would "run wild", and yes, that is tru, so removed the phobia, is what he told me, and I swear, i could feel it. I will not go into a more detailed description heer, it was just a very special, personal and wild experience. Something that calmes your nerve system, removes phobia, helpes you to accept your own feelings and yourself, that I would recommend you to look for. And the, talk to some one og some people that you trust, tell your family what the problem is, without feeling guilty og feeling you are letting them down because of your problem. Maybe not everyone will understand, but in time maybe and if you are just honest, and tell it like it is, maybe show them what you have written here, I´m sure they will be releaved to know what is going on and they will have a chance to help you and you won´t have to hide as much with the problem and thoughts abóut it yourself. Well, this could be advice to myself, but to exercise, and generally be good to yourself, forgive yourself, love yourself, accept yourself, trust yourself, and life in general. Enough for now. Hope you can use some of this.