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Ive only just recently acknowledged within the last couple of weeks that I have a problem I can no longer cover up or pretend is nothing. I have always had the mentality of brushing everything off, never dealing with anything. Ive always picked at my fingers never thinking anything of it and only recently its gotten worse, or its just that people pointed it out to me that I `noticed`. I will find myself fixated for so long with nail clippers just clipping at my fingers getting rid or every loose piece. My fingers are so bad I have to wear bandaids on them. I also suffer from, which I didnt know until now was an actual disorder..body dysmorphic disorder. I do acting so I cant have torn apart hands when I go to set. I find ill be good and my hands will heal when I know I have work but right when I dont have to work I go crazy on them until are bleeding. My boyfriend left on tour and thats when everything, all of my past issues and stresses came fore front. I was having anxiety attacks, I cut my arm open so many times just to calm down that I had to keep it bandaged for weeks and couldnt even work. I didnt even enter public I know I cant hurt my self on the outside so I started drinking and overly taking these pills, Minocyclin for my face. I wanted to die and I hoped that I did. My doctor has given me pills for my anxiety which are amazing but I still have the same feelings. I keep making appointments to go to therapy but always cancel. Its like once one person who cares about me give me a positive comment like ``hey you seem really happy`or, `your looking great, have your obviously working out`, I dont feel the need to go get help cause I can keep coasting by. Im glad I found this site though so I know Im not crazy and alone.