So Relieved

Let me begin by saying this - there is a sense of absolute relief that I have found a forum for sharing my own story with others who are suffering (and I use that in the most reasonable sense of the word) from the same thing that I have dealt with for almost 15 years. I am only 24 years old and have been dealing with this condition for the majority of my life. I hope that in sharing my experiences and having yours shared with me that we can overcome some things together. The magic of the Internet. I honestly can't remember how it all began for me... all I know is that I think it was around the time when my mother passed away that I started finding small flaws in myself and using any kind of make-up I could to cover them. When that didn't solve my problems, I took to trying to physically remove the imperfections myself... and I'm still trying to do the same thing today. I've seen doctors, dermatologists, read articles online trying to figure out where a sense of OCD may have come from but this is the very basis for me; at least the mere very basis that I've been able to find. Much like other on here, I pick at everything. My face, my neck, my arms, my legs... ingrown hairs, pimples, blackheads, scabs, dry skin. I haven't gone a day since I was about 9 without makeup and a sense of embarrassment and it absolutely needs to end. I'm hoping that by 'coming out' with my condition that I will be able to overcome it and help others who are trying to do the same thing learn how to cope. Now that I know that I'm dealing with something psychological, I have been in contact with psychologists to see if there is something more that I can do other than assert that little voice in my head that says 'STOP!' or leave sticky notes on my bathroom mirror to try and convince me that there is nothing wrong with my body and that I can believe my boyfriend when he tells me that I'm beautiful - even though I haven't felt it. After writing this little bit, I feel a little bit stronger. Maybe if I start a blog and actually let out what I feel on the inside through the void of the internet and to the opinion of people that I don't yet know, I'll be able to control myself.