I need someone to help me... it keeps getting worse

I've gone a long time not knowing how to explain my issue. When I was about 12-13 years old and I had very mild acne, my dad taught me how to pop my pimples, and since then I have always been obsessed with making sure there are no unseen bumps on my face that need to be popped or healed. This wasn't such a huge issue in my teen years.. but as I grew up and my face became more sensitive and prone to scarring, it's such a problem! I will cancel plans and stay in the house with antibiotic cream on the damage I've done beforehand.. My reason question is concerning the type of acne that seems to be appearing on my face... I will get the occasional whitehead that doesn't cause any problems.. but most of the time, I get these awful, painful pimples that are cystic in nature below the surface of my skin.. Not only do I feel the need to try to cease the infection underneath, but it hurts really bad! Most of the time, these spots last for a few weeks and it's hard to cover with makeup and they're often about a quarter inch spots in diameter but as its starting to heal for good, what's underneath is usually really weird. Usually random dots of white.. almost blackhead like spots and i can squeeze the area and have it sometimes alleviate the infection.. But sometimes what is beneath is pore-sized almost pearly-looking miniature cysts in each individual pore. I can usually take tweezers or nail clippers and take these things out of my blemish.. But they're very annoying and unlike anything ive seen before. It's also causing scarring because when I take a cyst like bump out of my pore, it leaves a hole and there is no more white. The matter inside my pore is also usually hard or semi hard and the tip is white and the bottom is red from being inside the blemish. It looks like a blackhead except skin colored/white. I dont know what to do or what's wrong with me?!? My dermatologist just put me on antibiotics but my skin is not reacting at all. Does anyone have any idea what is going on with my skin?!?!?? I'm going crazy. Please help. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.