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skreed29 , 24 May 2012

my progress

my name is sarah, i live in southern indiana. im 18 years old and have been picking since i was about 10. i am mildly ocd, and have been literally since i can remember but didnt understand it when i was younger, looking back its very obvious though. i also have bdd(body dismorphic disorder) probably since about 7th grade, and i pick at my skin compulsively. right now i mostly pick at my face, even though at some points in the past i have picked at my back, chest, arms, legs, and pubic area. thankfully, these places are now healed for the most part and very nice looking. i have never felt close to my parents(who were divorced when i was 2, my brother was 5) or most of my family. i would say my closest relative is my older brother. he suffers with a lot of the same issues as me. i live with my boyfriend, who i have been with for a little more than 2 years, he tries to be supportive of my picking compulsion but i think its very hard to understand when you arent in the same boat. i consider myself to have a very beautiful body, and when my face isnt covered in spots and wounds and scars, its awfully cute too, but the picking is holding me back from feeling good about myself. i graduated highschool recently and am taking some time off (no work or school) to heal on the inside and on the outside. im going to post here everyday, maybe even more than once to just post my progress and thoughts about the day, or if i find something new and helpful. at the moment i am 3 days clean (: going on 4
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skreed29
May 24, 2012
also, something i forgot to say is that im not on any medications and refuse to be. i dont want to rely on drugs to help me recover, i want to beat this on my own.
L2012
May 25, 2012
I like your optimism! I started my own progress report thing on here 20 days ago and it has been SO helpful. I tried medication - but only lasted 2 days. I hated the side effects. So attempting to get through it drug-free now. So far so good, but it's still early days. Wishing you the best of luck with overcoming this condition! We can do it :)
skreed29
May 27, 2012
yes yes yes we can do it ! i like my optimism too and i want to share it with you and everyone ! im so glad you are on a good track with your picking
skreed29
May 25, 2012
took my second shower of the day and washed off my makeup, so there is no reason for me to get close up to the mirror for the rest of the day. hopefully that means i can stay away, and no picking. its easier to not pick when i pamper myself and am gentle and nice to my skin. i dont really have scars anymore anywhere besides my face except a couple little light pink dots on my back which dont really bother me, so when i focus on the places where my skin is pretty that helps too. also, i have been keeping my nails filed down as short as possible, i like how it looks and if i DO happen to pick at a spot it does less damage as long as i can stop myself. i have this annoying cluster of whiteheads on my chin which im trying so hard to stay away from, and irritating breakouts on my left cheek. it gets so frustrating when i dont pick and i still break out ): i hope its all healed and perfect soon, i know i will have scarring, but i am young and a good healer and i have hope that the scarring wont be so horrible in a few months
skreed29
May 25, 2012
so last night as i was trying to fall asleep, i started thinking about a couple years back when my face was pretty much perfect. for some reason at that point i wasnt really picking at my face (other areas though). now, i have been doing better with my face picking but am still getting annoying breakouts, so i was thinking about what the difference was between now and then, and i realized.. back then i used this green foamy neutrogena face wash, meant for acne. since then i have been using cetaphil face wash for "normal to oily skin". i like cetaphil products and will continue to use the face lotion but i think today im gonna go to target and get the old green foamy stuff and see if it makes a difference, hopefully they still sell it. being optimistic (:
skreed29
May 27, 2012
i got the green foam stuff ! its a little different now, but its the same shade of green and smells the same and feels the same ! i used it last night and this morning when i woke up my face felt very dry, which wasnt the greatest but if its healing me than i can get over the physical feeling easily ! after monday i dont really have any social obligations so i can hide away with just my boyfriend and not feel ugly or self consious for a few days, i heal better when im not worrying about how i look so much. i have been working out everyday and doing my toenails all cutely (: when i do things that make me feel prettier it helps me to worry less about my face also. and no picking by the way. today was the 6th consecutive day of no picking and im done in the bathroom for the night so i can say i made it through day 6 (: (: (: im so excited and looking forward to healing.
skreed29
May 28, 2012
today i didnt pick (: and i didnt really think about picking or my face too much. i saw my dad for the first time in a while and i had a nice time, so thats good too. this post is shorter than i wanted it to be, but im very sleepy and cant think of what to say, also i have to be up early so goodnight ! staying positive
skreed29
May 28, 2012
so i have gone a week with no picking (: thank goodness. next goal is to make it another week. my face still has some breakouts and its frustrating but im gonna stick with the green foam and hopefully see some improvement soon (: even before this week i have been doing really good about not picking. im having a lot of positive feelings, and being nicer to myself lately. when i can go 4 weeks without picking, i think thats when i can say i 'used to' be a compulsive skin picker. hoping so much that i dont relapse, my face is feeling and looking rather annoying but ive gotta get through it. also i live in indiana, and its summer, its so so so humid and i have a feeling that its affecting my skin for the worse. its a little depressing because summer is like the most important time to look and feel pretty, but im going to figure something out. its going to get better.
vix
May 28, 2012
congratulations sarah. you are doing so well and we are all so proud of you! keep positive and keep strong. Alwyas remember that the breakouts you may be having are NEVER as bad as the result of picking and they will heal themselves if you leave them alone. I haven't been able to listen to my own advice much yet but I hope in time I will be able to. Good luck. stay strong. vix.
skreed29
May 29, 2012
thank you ! it really means a lot. i feel kind of dumb for this but when people tell me that they are proud of me on here, even though i have no idea who they are, it makes me feel good (: not too many people in my physical life can relate to my problems, and its so nice to be able to get support from people on here who know exactly what we're going through.
skreed29
May 29, 2012
made it through day 8 (: even if i still have some breakouts, not picking makes my skin look so much better because im not digging in and leaving scars and red sore spots all over. its nice to look in the mirror (from a distance) when i come home at night and take off all my makeup. my toenails are pink and sparkly today and its really pretty (: also, i think some breakouts are having to do with pms and stuff, i started my period a couple days ago so im hoping they will start to clear up because of that. when im stressed out about my face i like to clean my house and vaccum and do laundry, its relieving somehow. i have also been going to sleep earlier lately and im thinking thats good for my face, i used to stay up every night until 12 to watch conan, but this hot weather wears me out and i usually wind up going to bed sometime between 10 and 11. im feeling good right now, hopefully i can hold on to it. goodnight !
sunshinefunk
May 29, 2012
My advice? Keep busy! Now that you aren't working or doing school, pick up a hobby that uses your hands. Playing the piano and knitting have been very helpful for me. Do something you want to do, but keep moving. You won't have time to pick! Good luck!
skreed29
May 29, 2012
today is hard ): i havent picked, and am not going to but my face is annoying and itchy today. i took the lightbulbs out of my bathroom for the evening.
skreed29
May 30, 2012
9 days of no picking ! (: (: (: i decided to stay in and not put on any makeup today. its so hot and muggy and its gross feeling to sweat under my makeup so today im giving myself a break. i dont know how patient i should be with this green foamy stuff, havent seen that much progress (maybe a tiny tiny bit) and it has been about 5 days since i started using it. its mostly just really drying and this morning when i woke up my eyelids were really itchy and stingy, i think dried out from the new face wash. im giving it a couple weeks and if it doesnt do anything for me i will switch back to cetaphil because it feels a lot nicer. most breakouts are on my cheeks and jawline and by my hairline in front of my ears. my forehead usually looks okay as long as i havent been picking at it and for some reason my nose is always pretty much perfect. my chin is clearing up because i usually breakout there when im pmsing and.. im not anymore. hoping that today goes well and maybe not wearing makeup today will give me a head start on healing. also, i have been sweating a lot lately so also drinking extra water, i alway drink atleast 2 liters a day (and nothing else), but lately it has been 2.5 or 3. so maybe that will help. i hope !
vix
May 30, 2012
Congratulations on going 9 days without picking. A definite achievement! Good idea to give your skin a day to breathe but make sure you are not tempted to pick - keep busy! I find if I am at home alone all day I tend to do a lot of picking as I have nothing to keep me occupied. Im at 4 days without picking now and really happy with that and working hard to keep going and make it 5 days. Good luck.
skreed29
May 31, 2012
im getting through it ! 10 days is my personal record and im going to beat it this time ! im proud that you have made it 4 days, stay strong ! we will get through this.
skreed29
May 31, 2012
so when i get through today it will be 10 days. which is my current record of no picking. when i get through to be tomorrow it will be 11, which is a new record ! im excited. my face is really dry right now and i dont know if my breakouts are clearing up but im being hopeful. but even if my face still breaks out occasionally, who cares? as long as i can stop picking i will be proud of myself and happy. starting tomorrow my boyfriend is off work until saturday so that should be a good distraction from my face (:
skreed29
June 01, 2012
today i broke my personal record. 11 days clean. so i guess that means, everyday i make it past today is a whole NEW record again. 11 days is such a long time, it would be so silly to turn back now (: i hope i can do this. its exciting to think that its a possibility that i could maybe never ever pick again.

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