Day 4: My Journey to Recovery

This morning I started off with me picking at a spot that had formed overnight underneath my right eyebrow. This is why plucking is so bad! Thankfully, because the spot isn't that big and is right underneath my eyebrow, it isn't that visible. I still have the two spots along my left brow bone that have scabbed up and thankfully I am not tempted to pick those. I am more concerned about the new hairs that will grow in because half of my problem starts with not fully plucking the odd hair. I don't think I would normally have such a problem, but because my hairs are so thick and dark, I think the follicles also tend to get infected more easily because it is an easy pathway for bacteria (even if the hair is plucked fully). I also know that I have some dry spots, but I have to keep reminding myself not to touch them because I would most likely be left with scabs if I tried to get rid of the dryness now. I finally feel comfortable looking at my skin in natural light, although I know it still looks FAR from perfect. It is better than the red wounds I had on day 1 though. One of the things that motivates me not to pick is remembering what my skin looked like on day 1. I NEVER want it to get that bad again because I almost died from disgust and embarrassment. I can live with dry skin, but I cannot live with that. My ultimate goal is to go to my bartending course this week without any makeup. I'm still not sure if I've mustered up enough courage yet, but I know it is best for my skin. When I used to pick my entire face, I used to cover up the spots with makeup which made things even worse. When I finally got to a place where I felt good not wearing makeup on my nose and chin, I stopped applying it. Since then, I've had the odd blemish, but it is never really big and I refuse to cover it up. I am grateful because I have very resilient skin. Somehow, even after picking at my skin for years, I am left with no scarring. I have a friend who had acne all throughout her high school years (and still struggles now), and she has a lot of scarring. The strange thing is she was one of those people who didn't apply makeup and didn't pick at any of her blemishes. I feel I should have been the one left with scarring. Anyways, my posts are always longer than I intend for them to be, so I will let you know what happens tomorrow. Wish me luck! I am praying I can walk out of the door saying screw wearing makeup.