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Finally understanding, linking to other issues?
I am so glad I came across this! I have been picking for as long as I can remember. I used to dismiss it as something weird that only I did, but I see there's a whole community out there...Now I'm starting to read up on it and take it seriously.
It was very touching to read different testimonials on here. I'm sorry that some of you had it really bad. In comparison, my case is like a walk in the park...Anyway, my story is this.
I believe I started in grade school, it was biting nails. I saw other people who did it, so I just thought it was a common bad habit. But then I started biting at the skin around my nails, literally picking off--and eating--the skin. It got really bad, hurt to even wash my hands under hot water. I don't recall anyone noticing, however, and somehow I stopped.
But scabs, my face/acne, my scalp, and even my nose I still pick. It's like--I HAVE to do it, y'know? It feels good. Maybe it really is an addiction. Maybe I, or we, are prone to addictions? I drank alcohol today, by myself, and thought about how good it felt, and began questioning why I didn't do it more often...
Lately, I started pulling facial hair, I did it to pull out random imperfect hairs, and one might not think it's that bad...but I do it for hours. Very tediously pulling out single strands of hair from my face. When I pull it out, I look at it, admire it, roll it around between my fingers, usually smelling it. Then I have an urge to put it places that it will be seen, or just keep it myself, storing it or hiding it away. Sometimes I want to eat it, or at least break the strand with my teeth. Or pull it apart with my fingers.
Outwardly, I'm a normal guy, very social, not depressed (least I don't think so, anyway), yet I have this very dark side to me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a sociopath. I scream and babble gibberish when no one's around, and it feels good. The thoughts I think, the retribution I envision, sometimes, is over-the-top cruel. I would never do them, but the fact that I think like that--it scares me.
Maybe it's all related?
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