Why I Pick

I'm new to discovering that my bad habit has a name. I really want to stop this picking. I've been picking for well over 10 years now, mostly when I'm stressed, angry or just overwhelmed. I get a thrill from picking and releasing the impurities that are within me. I only look at myself long enough to wash my skin and slather on creams. I feel content until I see what I've done to myself, or until my skin starts to burn. It's a disgusting habit that I want to beat. But it's also a tempting addiction, like a craving, I can't think about anything else once I notice or feel an imperfection. I'm told I'm pretty but I don't see it. A part of me feels that at least if I destroy my skin, and make myself look unattractive then any rejection will be because of my skin...and only because of my skin, a superficial appearance but not a rejection of me. I'm trying to stop for 24 hours. It'll be the first time in a while. I've been good for 10 and it's been a horrible day. I plan to sleep for 8. Just a few more to go...