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soembarrassed , 08 Aug 2012

Ruining my face

I am 40 almost 41 and for the last 3 years have been destroying my face. Any little bump i pick at until I am left with an open wound. These wounds used to heal fairly quickly now they take months. They start to heal and I CANT STAND THE SCAB OR FLAKES OF SKIN so of course I pick at those. I really need to stop this as now I am starting to get scars, which then I pick at thinking if I can get that little raised uneven skin picked off then problem solved - no more scar. That is not the case. You then have an open wound all over again that starts healing with scar and all. I cant tell you how many times I have called in to work with one excuse or another as I am too embarrassed to be seen. I have even gone to lunch and picked and called in some "family emergency" that I have to go take care of as not to return. I cant stand the feeling that there is a spot light on every little mark. I constantly watch people's eyes to see if they are looking at my marks. This is so ruining my life. I never want to go anywhere. Cancel plans all the time. My friends tell me I am being parinoid that you cant even tell there are marks on my face. Who do they think they are kidding? I have mirrors (which I look in at least 100 times a day) I can see them, so I know they can. I really dont know why I started doing this. The best I can figure is when I started seeing this guy and felt that I HAVE to have perfect skin or he would not be interested. I know this not to be the case as scabby marks or not he always wants to do something with me. I cant tell you how many times I have backed out of plans with him just so he wouldnt see the mess of my face. I am at a lost on what to do. How to stop. How to heal. I really dont want to spend the remainder of my life with band aids on my face at night trying in vane to heal the mess I have created. Any tricks you all have on healing these nasty marks, or stopping the urge to pick would be greatly appreciated and welcomed.
289 Answers
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soembarrassed
August 26, 2012
Feeling ugly!!! Everyone at the family reunion has beautiful perfect skin! Just want to go home and hide!!!! :( :( :(
skreed29
August 26, 2012
sorry to hear this ): i have the same problem. ill go out and feel like i look okay ish and then i see other people who have just glowing and radiant skin and want to just go home and cry. we can heal though ! i know sometimes it doesnt seem like it... but i promise we can and we will . please stay strong, keep that chin up and if it helps, just focus on when you finally will get to go home, take of all your makeup and finally feel comfortable and safe !
soembarrassed
August 26, 2012
Thanks. Home no makeup and feel human again. My daughter says "mom you are beautiful. I dont see any mark. It has healed!!" It is so true we see what others cant. It just blows my mind as all i can see is a big uneven red mark. Bless her heart.
soembarrassed
August 27, 2012
Day 11 - holding strong - no picking at all!!!!!
soembarrassed
August 31, 2012
OK I have not been picking but my skin looks so bad. I hate having to look in the mirror. I dont like what I see. Red scar...huge pores...uneven skin tone. I thought with no picking my skin would start to look bettet but it has been 2 weeks since my last picking episode and I still look and feel like hell!!!!
soembarrassed
September 01, 2012
Day 16...:( picked just a little at my scar...didnt do any damage just kind of scratched atoubd it hoping to even it out just a little. Whole action took less than a min as I stopped myself right when I reached for the tweezers. Trying bio oil...maybe this will help.
Lw1029
September 04, 2012
You are doing great! I am so happy to read about your plan (and success)! I stopped picking 4 days ago and it has been such a struggle. I know what you are going through. I wanted to mention something that is helping me. I am not the type of girl to do the acrylic nail thing, but when I decided to stop picking I made an appointment at the nail salon and had my nails done. I need them to be somewhat short because I still have to cook, clean, type, and so on, but I make sure that they do have some length. Not only does it make picking difficult, it is also a reminder every time I touch my face that something is different (not the normal nails I'm used to picking with). It helps to snap me out of "mindless picking" and it allows me to think through what I'm about to do. Anyway, it helps me. Good luck to you!
Emmi
September 06, 2012
I, Myself have found this to be an AMAZING trick, one thing you have to be careful of, is Infecting your spots, I managed to be so obsessive about picking, I would find a way to pick, because they are false nails, more bacteria hides underneath them, nothing that would hurt you, but your spots can sometimes get aggravated and infected, Definitely worth the try as long as you give them an extra good wash, Ive become addicted to my nails, its a little treat for myself, you do need to be aware of the little things tho :) Most certainly worth a try, it worked wonders for me :)
soembarrassed
September 05, 2012
Well 18 days all I can go. Day 19 I couldn't stand it. Picked anything I could see. My chin gets little white bumps that seriously wont go away until I pick them. So I did and now feel like a piece of shit. I dont think I did serious scab over damage but I still picked!!! Damn it...I hate this!!! I think this is the way I will be for the rest of my life. Red..bumpy..blotchy..uneven skin!! Not picking doesnt work. Picking doesnt work. I am dreading getting up in the morning as usually after a day of picking i awake with whiteheads and or zits....unhappy!!
valentine
September 05, 2012
So embarrassed: A few things, starting with: Hold Everything! We won't tolerate all the negative self talk. You've been doing AMAZING and a slip is just that. A slip. They are, I hate to say, inevitable. You don't need to start at zero, just take note of what caused the picking, what circumstances and feelings preceeded it, and try to take that knowledge into future days. You ARE making progress and you WONT be a prisoner to this for the rest of your life. It has its days over us but as you've counseled so many of us, when that happens it's simply time to reach for the next new day and the new chance to not pick.As for waking with zits after picking, I reccomend Klaron (generic name something like Sulfacetimide). I put it on picked skin and it prevents swelling and zit forming 100% (That plus the prescription pill Spirnalactone which decreases oil production). Hope that tip helps but for now: how about doing something really nice for yourself? Something to reward yourself for all the good work? Like a pedicure. Or even just a bubble bath?
Emmi
September 05, 2012
Soembarrassed, Valentine has hit the nail on the head! You have been doing amazing! Your also only human! everyone has these slip up! its not something to beat your self up over, Just think about what it was that made you start picking, and be more aware of it, if you find your self feeling like you want to, go and do something else. Its all about switching your focus. Its not a breeze to do, and it wont happen over night, but in a month or so, you'll think back, and see how much of an improvement you have made. :) It WILL get better, I never thought it would myself, now I am completely rid of it and I want to help others to rid of it too. Like Valentine said, reward your self for the effort you put in. Set your self daily goals to not pick, each morning wake up and tell your self your skin is beautiful and it IS healing. Turn your negative self talk into a positive encouraging self talk. "Wow, Ive been doing so well, If I can achieve this today, imagine what I will achieve tomorrow" because Tomorrow is always a new day. :)
soembarrassed
September 05, 2012
Thanks everyone for snapping me back in place. You are right I should not be so hard on myself. Yest was a bad poor me day. Today not feeling much better..still depressed but I am trying to shake it. Thanks for the words of encouragement and suggestions. I really appreciate all your kind words. Yes I am strong until I break down. It then just seems to spiral out of control. :S
Emmi
September 06, 2012
Your always strong, EVEN when your breaking down, because you can always pull your self out of it :) Each day you come across will be hard, but it WILL get easier, Try and think of at least ONE positive thing about each day, even if the only positive thing is that your had bread in the house to make toast for breakfast, it ment you didnt have to skip that meal and feel hungry :) OR that it was a sunny day, and remind your self today is going to be a GOOD day, it really helps, a positive person heals faster, tell your self that today your skin is more healed then yesterday, that can be your positive for the day :) and when your feeling really low, try out your smile, Smile as BIG as you can, I can almost guarantee you wont feel so upset afterwards :)
soembarrassed
September 07, 2012
Ok I have not been picking!!! Whoo hoo! How do you guys handle the ugly mess left behind? I am still embarressed to go out with thus butt ugly scar. It is worse than the picking marks as they go away. My last picking left a nasty scar and I am so upset by the way it looks!

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