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Went three weeks without picking only to fall right back into it again. :'(
The new semester just started and I had promised myself that I was going to take better care of my body and skin so I could be more confident at school. I had gone 3 weeks without picking and my skin was looking great! It was tan and clean and I was so proud of myself for being able to keep my hands off of it for so long.
Well that all crashed and burned tonight.
As I was watching TV I could feel the pain of a small zit on my forehead. I felt it with my fingers and it was a pretty decent size. Something inside of me took over. It didn't even occur to me to say to myself, "Hey you've been looking and feeling great. Don't pick! We've been down this road before and you always look terrible for days after!" Instead I just walked to the bathroom with determination, got right up into the mirror, and not only popped that zit, but everything else on my face. It's like I was a zombie. A reasonable person would know that it's bad, but that part of my brain just seems to shut down! So now it is red and bumpy, and I even left a large sore on my forehead that is definitely going to scab.
I am so disappointed in myself. I do this over and over. I probably won't go to school for the rest of the week because it is THAT bad. This is really disappointing to me that a habit like picking my face is starting to interfere so much in my life. I haven't picked like this in a really long time. It's like all of the holding back made it that much worse when the floodgates finally opened again.
The silver lining in all of this is that I was so fed up with what I had just done that I googled "skin picking compulsive" and found this site and others. It turns out that i'm not the only one! I had no idea that other people had this same problem, and that it's a real disorder. I also pick at my cuticles, chew my nails, pick at my toenails until they bleed, and pull the dry skin off my foot until it's raw. Apparently these are all somewhat related!
Now that I have made the connection and know it is a real psychological problem that other people suffer from, I feel like I can finally break these habits once and for all. Knowing that my nasty habits are all related I can try and find the root of the problem. I am very healthy and 22 years old so I am lucky enough to have skin that heals quickly. If I am going to conquer this once and for all, it needs to happen now before I no longer have that luxury.
Thanks for this website. I feel like writing all of this has helped me take the first step in kicking this habit's ass!
August 28, 2012
..so you had a relapse ? just means you are one relapse closer to being done with this stupid compulsion (: every single person on this whole freaking forum has been exactlty where you are probably a hundred times. pick yourself back up today and dont look back (: optimism is our only weapon in this battle. you WILL heal.
August 29, 2012
Well, misery loves company so if it makes you feel better, I've done the same thing. I finally healed the huge place on my neck that I've been picking at for TWO YEARS. Went to the dermatologist who chastised me for the permanent damage I've done, then gave me more cortisone injections in the scar to try to shrink it. Now, five days later, I have picked at the same spot until now I have a sore the size of a quarter. It's the worst it's looked in months, and I'm afraid I've undone all the good of those injections. So very, very frustrated with myself and others (including doctors) who don't really understand the depth of this problem. So I guess relapses happen. The other poster is right. We ALL do this. We just have to get back up and keep trying. I'm not sure this is a habit that can be kicked completely, but maybe we can eventually learn to modify our behavior to minimize the damage. Hang in there, AR90!
September 08, 2012
Same age. Same date of relapse. Its so frustrating. If I didn't pick Id have nothing to complain about. Its so hard to stop. Do you just pick your face? I've gotten really good at not going infront of mirrors so I stopped. BUt i dont need a mirror to pick the pores on my arms and so that has gotten worse two-fold. I just want beautiful arms.
It's really hard. Haha. I wish a group of us could jus live in the same place and monitor each other!! Lol. I need a team of people to stop me I feel. Following me everywhere and never letting me pick. Wouldnt that be awesome!
September 09, 2012
I'm 20, I also had no idea it was a diganosis, Once i saw it was in the OCD spectrum it made perfect since though. I've always had bad OCD tendencies. i'm surpirsed no ne has confronted me on it before. Just remeber you are one of a kind picked or not, no one can be exactly like you, no one can do what you do, you are irreplaceable that way, wounds heal, its not forever. <3
September 23, 2012
I went a month. Hard hard hard. Then school started up again.
And then I got back into picking. Im 99% sure it's from the school work stress