Show and tell - my story

Hello, my name is Jess. I'm 23, and I've been picking my fingers (and eating the skin :( ) since at least 9 years old. Finding out that this messed-up thing that I do actually has a *name* has been such a huge relief to me! I had no idea until a few days ago, while looking around on wikipedia. I have felt ashamed of my hands my entire life.. sometimes I would turn in tests or homework with blood marks.. or when I'm pointing to something, I have to make sure that the finger I use is relatively decent compared to the rest. I play the flute, and have had several teachers comment on it.. pretty embarrassing! It's really a life-changing disorder, and up until now, I thought it was just a lack of willpower (or so my parents have told me my whole life). I've been recently diagnosed with anxiety, and I'm pretty sure I've had it since I was 9. It didn't become a dysfunction until about a year of working at my current job, where I developed a phobia about blushing. I am currently taking Paxil combined with therapy to try and beat it. The anxiety is the major cause for me, I'm sure. I've tried to stop many, many times. Gloves, bandaids, that nu-skin stuff.. nothing worked. I just like doing it too much, and do it unconsciously most of the time. Don't know why, but the pain feels good to me! I also really enjoy the feeling of chewing the bits of skin. One of my favorite things actually is to drag my fingers across chapped lips, so the rough parts will 'stick' a little to my lips. I do this with my gym shorts too :) It used to be worse, where I would also pick my fingertips and the insides of my knuckles, but now I've restricted it to mostly around the fingernail. I have a hope that I can figure out how to beat this compulsion, and maybe substitute with something less harmful to my body. I just wanted to share my story with everyone here.. you know, the thing about sharing sad news - it halves the bad feelings with every person you tell! My heart goes out to the rest of you dealing with these compulsions on a daily basis, but I have hope for us yet :)