Tonight I will STOP for good

The amount of times I have "decided I am going to stop" is ridiculous. I am still yet to trigger what it is that gets me picking at my skin again. A quick overview before I start my healing process: I have been picking at my skin, legs to be more specific, for around 4 years now. However I do remember doing something very similiar in grade 7 but it didn't stick, it was a one off thing. I remember telling everyone at school that I fell off my bike and scraped all the skin off my legs. It started out as just the lower right leg, and even when that was happening I was incredibly embarassed and so ashamed I hated showing my legs and going out in public and hanging out with friends during the Summer. So you can only imagine how I feel with it now being both my entire legs, upper and lower. I have thin legs, to be honest an enviable shape for some and I am almost 6 foot so they are very long. I cannot remember the last time I have shown my legs in public. By the end of this healing process I hope to have changed that, and when I do I will share it here with you. I am going to write in this post everyday, until the day I show my legs in public again. It could take weeks, months, years. But whatever it takes I am determined. I am sick of feeling this way. I want to get better. I have had a boyfriend for 6 months. How he has not noticed my legs is a complete mystery to me. But I want to be able to wear skirts and shorts around him while we are out, rather than maxi skirts, dresses, and jeans. I want to wear the clothes I love. I understand there is going to be a major power struggle. I understand there is going to be difficult days where I will want to cave in to temptation. I hope this forum will help me overcome these days. I hope it will be a way to vent. I hope it will be a place where I can talk about exactly how i'm feeling. And mostly I hope it plays a major role in helping me get healthy again. Maybe no one will comment on this post, maybe many will, it doesn't effect me. I am writing this because I want to get better, and by writing it helps me get out what I cannot speak to my family, my friends and my boyfriend. If along the way I get people who read, listen and understand, than that is simply a bonus in this journey. I hope you all have had a lovely day, my day has been completely shit to be honest, but I hope to find a better one tomorrow. See you then. X