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Hair pulling, skin picking, self hating.
Hi everyone,
I've newly decided to start reaching out to people who might understand me what I'm going through. I need someone to talk to who gets it, I have a friend who knows and is trying to help me, but I need people who GET IT.
I spend hours picking, pulling hairs, and squeezing at my skin, specifically in my pubic area and underarms.
I have been doing this since I was roughly 11 years old and it just keeps getting worse and worse, I'm 25 now.
I shave my pubic area, sometimes to cover the fact that I've pulled out half my hairs and have bald patches. But sometimes I don't. I'm not sure which is worse - not shaving and having visible bald spots? or shaving and having visible scabs and scars.
I'm also always squeezing my skin. if ever there is an imperfection ANYWHERE, i have to squeeze it. I can spend hours doing this. The end result is disturbing and embarrassing.
It's gotten to the point where I've discovered that squeezing a newly budding hair is quite similar to squeezing a black head and this new discovery is taking over.
I'm so disgusted with myself, and so ashamed.
How could something that I find gross, also bring me such satisfaction??
I also pull my hairs out, and if there's a big follicle, I will bite it off.
Please someone reach back out to me.
I'm in desperate need of someone to talk to regarding this.
I feel so alone.
April 13, 2013
Im 26 and my hair plucking and skin picking has taken over my life in the past 4 years. Looking back it started for me when I was around 11 also, I would stand in front of the mirror searching for short, thicker hairs on my head and pull them out as if my life depended on it, once I started plucking my eyebrows I started spending ages squeezing the little black dots that would come thru before hairs, By the time i was 15 I was removing hair from everywhere including my stomach and arms.Since in my 20s I also have patchy pubic area from tooooo much time squeezing ingrown hairs and tweezing. I am constantly searching my skin 24/7 for any long/thick/dark hairs or imperfections to squeeze, I massacre my face and shoulders even though I know it is where people can easily see and It gives me the dirtiest feeling like im my own worst enemy. Now i don't have a single area in my body that isn't scared or scabby as my obsession has taken over. I also get feeling of joy/pleasure when I "hit the jackpot" i.e. a thick rooted hair or a spot that pops. I wouldn't have bad skin if I didn't pick and could just leave it alone, the guilt and shame makes me want to hide inside forever and I feel like a failure. I've covered my bathroom mirror as a passing glance would turn into me getting "stuck" in the mirror for hours. I find that living alone is manifesting my problem as there is no one around that I wouldn't want to see the mess that I have made of myself. Do you do this everyday or does something trigger it?