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forbetterdays , 07 Jul 2013

Day by day progress - feel free to join in!

Hello, my name is Ingrid, and I am 18 years old. I found out about dermatillomania about a year ago, and when I did, I got blissfully happy because I thought that now that I knew "what I had", stopping would be no problem. Oh, how very wrong I was. I have by no means been able to stop picking completely. However, my perspective on picking has changed dramatically the last year. It has been tough, but I have at long last accepted that I have dermatillomania and that it will not go away anytime soon. I have also been trying to accept the fact that my skin may never look perfect, and that's okay, because who the hell walks around with airbrushed skin anyways. I mentioned that I still pick my skin, clogged pores and blackheads for the most part. I have improved though, I break my skin and bleed less often that I used to, but I still pick on pimples, making them red and irritable, which causes them to spread and I end up with a scarred, red face because I never let them heal properly. What has helped me the most over the past year is to not beat myself up every time I pick. I catch myself in the act, step back from the mirror and tell myself that even though I picked, it's okay, because I am stopping now, and that's what's the most important thing. Because it really is - I try to remember that it can ALWAYS get worse. So when you look at yourself after an hour of picking and just sort of give up and keep on picking, just remember that no matter how much damage you do, it will get worse if you don't stop. I am writing here again because school's out for summer and I am spending the next few weeks at home doing nothing, and I therefore need be extra careful so that I don't start picking when I'm bored (cause I usually do). Therefore, I will be logging my progress for every day here, about picking and healing scars and scabs, both good and bad days, and I would be super happy if anyone would join me, for I think we could all need support and motivation from each other!! Love, Ingrid. xxxx
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forbetterdays
July 07, 2013
7.7.13 - Today was nothing special, I picked a few clogged pores on my cheek and nose, which is really what I usually do. My approach on this is really to not get too angry at myself. So I guess I could say today was good because I didn't break my skin, and I don't think I did any lasting damage. I've just been at a music festival, and after a week with junk food, alcohol and next to no sleep and showering, I have to say my skin is not happy. I'll scrub my face with a peeling mask tonight, and perhaps apply a homemade face mask with coconut oil afterwards, but most of all I'll have to watch out for picking - a face full of clogged pores and pimples is NOT GOOD for my picking. I'll cut my fingernails and turn down the lightning in the bathroom, and as long as I keep on being very focused on not picking, everything will be fine. I usually try not to thing about my derma at all, because too much focus on it seems to just trigger my picking. I'll just cuddle up with some tea and a movie or book tonight, staying positive and relaxed. For the next few weeks I'll definitely focus on eating as clean as possible and getting daily exercise, this has ha HUGE impact on my picking. When i'm sugar high I sometimes pick like crazy, so if i DO eat too much sugar or unhealthy stuff I try to avoid mirrors at all costs. I also pick badly when I'm tired, I have done a lot of damage on a lot of late nights over the years. So, I'll be focusing on mindfulness and staying positive and happy over the summer, doing what I love, reading, hanging out with friends, running, cooking, bathing and just fully relax now that I have the time. And when I get back in school for my senior year (we are done in what you would call high school (though it's really more like college, or some mix of the two) in our 19th year here in Norway), I'll be ready for an amazing year! xxx
forbetterdays
July 07, 2013
So I now have a horrible post-festival cold, which is boring but not at all surprising... This probably means that I'll have to spend the day in bed tomorrow - and that really sucks because lying still all day and not building up all that energy inside is a huge trigger for me. So, I thought I might try a 24-hour no pick challenge! I will have to be careful because no pick challenges tend to make me relapse real bad when I finally pick again. So this is really just for fun, I know how amazing it makes me feel when I make it, and if I don't, well, that will be okay too, as long as I don't get super upset and start picking and scratching my face like crazy. 24-hour no pick challenge has officially begun!
forbetterdays
July 08, 2013
So, I have spent the entire day in bed today because I am sick, and everything was going great - I didn't have the urge to pick at all... Until now that is. I was eating super clean all day, and that usually helps me focus, but after dinner we all had a huuge serving of ice cream each (no regrets though, it was delicious), and the sugar high REALLY made me want to pick. Like really. Once i started picking I couldn't stop. It's okay though, I didn't do too much lasting damage, but what bothers me is that I picked for a good ten minutes before I was able to stop - even though I tried to, and that sucks. It's interesting, how high blood sugar levels makes my picking so much worse. The same goes for when I'm really tired. Both when I'm experiencing a sugar high or sleep deprivation, I tend to space out a lot more often, which is exactly what happens when i begin a picking session. Today while picking, my mind was wandering as it always does during a session. I think I was thinking about the book I'm reading. It makes sense that I also tend to pick more when I got a lot on my mind. Anyways, to restrict my picking I really need to watch my sugar intake and get enough sleep. And when I do eat a lot of sugar or feel tired, or when I have a lot on my mind, I have to be extra careful not to START picking, because when I first do start, stopping myself in the act feels next to impossible...
forbetterdays
July 08, 2013
I had some fruit to stabilize my blood sugar levels, and the urge to pick disappeared completely!! This is SUPER interesting, could a stable blood sugar be the key? Alright, at least an important factor. I'll keep on noting when I feel like picking my skin, and try finding out what could be the cause :) :)
nadine
July 08, 2013
thank you Ingrid, I used to always tell myself how each time it gets better and how i'm gonna let my skin heal but everytime I ended up relapsing, maybe it's a lack of motivation, willingness or something,,but I really want for this to stop. can't explain enough how my picking habits have ruined parts of my life, my past. I am determined to stop now, I think I always have been but the tricky and hardest part is not falling back.. yesterday was the last day I picked that was bad but now i'm hoping to go for 21 days without doing it, may sound impossible but i'm willing to give it a try, would give anything to break this habit.
forbetterdays
July 08, 2013
I completely agree with you Nadine, not falling back is definitely the hardest part. I'd love to join you for a 21 day challenge, but I am afraid that if I fail, I'll relapse real bad... I really think not beating yourself up about picking and moving on as quickly as possible is important. Derma is not something to be taken lightly after all, and we mustn't forget that its not something we can get rid of over night. It will take a lot of time and a lot of tears, and its only natural for us to fall down again and again, but it doesn't matter as long as we keep on trying, and I do truly believe that we will find our balance one day. I'm currently doing 24-hour challenges, so I try not to pick for 24 hours, but if I do, I try forgiving myself asap and move on. I'm done with derma getting in the way of my life, and I have simply stopped caring about the marks on my face (or I try, at least, but I still wear makeup everywhere I go). Even though I feel like the ugliest person alive sometimes, and barely dare to walk outside, I have noticed that people don't really care as much about our marks and scabs as we think they do. Real friends and family couldn't care less. Even boys don't really notice much. What they do notice is you feeling confidence and making eye contact, and not being too shy to speak your mind. This is what I'm working on: building confidence, forgetting about my derma and instead focusing on what kind of person I want to be. xxxx
forbetterdays
July 09, 2013
So I'm starting to feel better and I think I'll try going for a run/walk later. I picked a bit last night before bed, I was feeling really tired and after spending the entire day inside I had all this built up energy inside. Today I'll try to make sure that doesn't happen, and I'll also eat as clean as possible so my blood sugar doesn't spike. I got another 24-hour challenge going on, so I'll try my best not to pick today :) :)
forbetterdays
July 09, 2013
Finally feeling better (though I'm still sick)! This also means I'm starting to feel REALLY restless and eager to get out of the house, which means I really have to watch out for my picking... I'll just have to make it tomorrow, when I'll finally go to the gym. Spending my night tidying my room and having a mini spa, anything to keep me from picking! I still haven't picked anything today though, so I guess that's good.
forbetterdays
July 09, 2013
So I made the 24-hour challenge! I'm not liking the way my skin look at the moment, pale from the sickness and staying inside, with some pimples and of course, the marks from previous picking sessions. I try not to think about that though, because feeling bad about my skin is a HUGE trigger. I have have have to get up and about tomorrow, I don't think I can stay another day inside this house... I'm getting seriously depressed in here all alone. So I'm thinking I'll just do another 24-hour challenge right away, I think I can handle not picking for another day. That's my agenda for tomorrow: get out of the house and get the blood pumping so that I hopefully stop feeling like a lumpy, pasty-skinned teenager with no life. REALLY. And no picking. Hopefully.
forbetterdays
July 10, 2013
Soo things are going kinda good, I guess. I picked ONCE today but was able to stop right away, and that is really the most important thing. However, I did get pretty deep when I picked. So that'll probably turn into a scab and possibly a red mark... Which kinda sucks. I kinda just attacked a pore, and before I knew what I was doing, my nails where digging into my skin. Oh well, this is still totally okay. I picked once. That's good.
forbetterdays
July 11, 2013
So inspired by Sunshinefunk, I have decided to keep out of my bathroom altogether for the rest of the summer. I will instead the bathroom downstairs, where the lightening is considerably darker, which makes it a thousand times harder for me to see and study pores and spots, so much harder in fact, that I don't even bother. I'll only have to go into my own bathroom for showering, and when i do that I'll try turning off the lights completely and instead using only candlelight. I am really hopeful about this. The hardest part for me now will just be to remember to stay out of the bathroom. I have never picked much anywhere else in the house, and I do not think I'll start picking now. I think that the worst case scenario here is me storming into the bathroom and turning up all the lights and start picking like crazy, and I really do not see that coming. I cannot believe that I have not thought of this before. I rarely pick when on vacation or when staying anywhere other than my house, EXEPT from when the lightening in the bathroom is really bright. Take that away from me, and I can't pick because I can't see. I am a very visual person, and I need to see to be able to pick. Sure, i pick at a pimple or two on my back or chest, but I can easily live with that. If I can only stay out of that bathroom and be persistent about that, it actually may change my life. But let's not speak too soon.

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