confessions of a picky girl

I am new here, and like many others, shocked that so many people are affected by this disrorder... it feels so good to not be alone... I have gone through different stages of picking in my life, with certain urges just leaving me... I picked at my feet when I was little... I remember feeling almost excited when I found good ones.... High school was scalp picking..... now I pick my acne, and nose (admiting the first step????) I feel a certain release of tension when I pop a good one, sometimes hard enough to actually hear a pop! I often leave bruises now... I literally search my body for 'good ones' and feal excited as hell... and I pick in front of the mirror, because watching a good one gush just relaxes me... Odd thing is, I couldn't watch anyone else doing it... I'm not a hypocrit, and I don't slam anyone else for doing it, but I can only see me doing it... I always knew it was an issue, but nothing I really felt devastated by until the past couple of weeks... In one week, I had two emergency abdominal surgeries... and the pain and fear of that has cause me to go on a 'binge' of myself... I don't have little scabs anymore that are easy to hide with makeup.. I have CRATERS on my face... and I keep going at them...One is the size of a 50 cent peice...Many of the dr's and nurses who were treating me would just ask "what the hell happened???" Many of them commented on it because it made placing an iv in my arm impossible for them... I understand they need to ask (because lesions could potentially be so many problems.. but the amount of times I was asked just stunned and devastated me... I am so glad to have found this site.... I just am so glad to know that I am not so much of a freak... it's nice to not be so alone....