Anastasia's no picking journal

Good luck! Keep reminding yourself that you can.

I ended up being weak and picked yesterday. Thankfully, I did not do too much damage and was able to stop myself. I find myself going about my day, feeling good, as if everything is just fine with my face. Then, when I get home from work and get a chance to really look closely at my skin in the mirror, I find myself seeing all these tiny whiteheads and blackheads, as well as small pimples that I didn't know were there before. Other people probably did not notice them. It is funny, how imperfect i think my skin is and still, I get complimented all the time on how beautiful it looks. Are these people crazy? Is my skin really beautiful and all these horrible imperfections are just in my head? Then I am the crazy one. Do they compliment my skin because they feel sorry for me since it looks so bad? That sounds even crazier. Maybe they think all the blackheads, little pimples and acne marks are just freckles. That is what I keep telling myself. "Anastasia, that blackhead just looks like a freckle. No big deal. Just let it be." I worry that my view of myself and the view of others of me are so disproportional that I am really just delusional about what I look like, and that scares me. I don't want to be separated from reality. I need to get in peace with what I look like and what others see when they look at me.