It's more than a habit

I have picked my head for at least 20 years, every single day. It all started one day at school when I noticed some dry skin on my head; I couldn't stand the way it looked. So I picked at it. Then I found myself purposely looking for dry skin to pick. I could stare in the mirror for an hour at a time just finding dry skin. Then it progressed very quickly to small areas of my head that seemed to be raised. If it felt big enough to pick, I would. I spent a ridiculous amount of time on this everyday; obsessed with getting every piece of dry skin off my head, only making it worse. Little did I know it would develop into a daily routine, and worsen, and be something I was doing 20 years later. To this day, I sit and pick my head while at work, all day long. On my drive to work, my drive home, and when I lay down to go to sleep. I find that even during a meeting at work I start this activity and have to really try and control myself. Sometimes, I just can't. I kind of "zone" out when I do this; it is very soothing and comforting to me. I often find that during times of real stress, I cannot count how many small bumps/scabs I have on my head. If I tried to count now, I couldn't. I have spent probably a total of 2 hours this evening picking my head to the point that certain parts burn. Yet I find my hand creeping back to those spots again as I think about what I want to type...it's non-stop! I have to admit, I somehow really enjoy it. I even try to pick and my husband and my daughter. They hate it. I asked my Dr. several times if this could be an OCD thing. He said it was just nervous behavior. I am treated for depression and anxiety/panic. I have always wondered about being OCD, though I have never been diagnosed. I also tend to worry or overexaggerate about the possibilities that I could be ill, will get ill, or something bad will happen to me. I have emetapobhia-fear of vomitting/vomit (EWWW) to the point where it has been debilitating at times. I avoid public restrooms or situations where I might be exposed to the situation. You will never find me on a fishing boat or in a bar! I have had counseling and some different types of therapies but nothing really eases any fears. Until tonight, I didn't realize this was a real disorder. Thank you for sharing your stories. I look forward to reading and sharing more. This is alot of help. :)