Face Picking

You, my dear, are beautiful. Please read the sentence above again. Out loud & in the mirror. Now repeat. Because it's true. I don't need to see you to know it. And you probably don't need to see me to know that I understand, because we're both here on this forum and there's only one way we got here - we both pick at our faces. It's utterly terrible, literally the worst thing that could happen to us, and we can't even stop. It is so goddamn humiliating, and that's without the constant reminders from others. Don't they think we know already? Don't they know how f*cking low we feel? Don't they know that part of us hates ourselves already? And the answer is no, they don't know, and maybe, maybe they don't even care. Some people, my dear, will never know. They will never understand no matter what words you use. And they will never know how their words make you feel. Family, I've found, can be the absolute worst at this. You don't have to believe me, but I am nearly ten years older than you are now and my heart breaks when I read how alone you feel because darling, I know. We know. The people on this forum, they know. It makes you feel small. But when you pick, they world becomes quiet. There is nothing else but your fingers and the spots on your skin. And yeah, that kind of stillness is sublime. It's so soothing and comforting, like the sound of rain or being home alone, that it becomes addictive. Even if you hate yourself immediately after the trance has lifted, you go back, because where else can you hide? What else can you do that will make everything just disappear? If even for a few minutes or a few hours? Where can you go to escape? People search all their lives for that kind of calm, marring your face seems like an insignificant price to pay for that type of rare bliss. I'm not even sure if I'm writing this for you anymore or for myself, but I just want you to know that I get it. I understand. I know what it feels like; before, during and after. It's heaven and it's pure hell. And it doesn't make you a f*cking "disgusting dog." It makes you real. It makes you higher evolved emotionally, even if your will power hasn't caught up yet. You probably see things and feel things on a deeper level than those around you. Bigger pictures. Truer meanings. And that makes you beautiful. It also makes you feel like you have to hide when the world around you doesn't understand. But the way to do that isn't by slowly picking away at yourself. It won't actually make you disappear. It will make you hate yourself. it will make you feel like you're more on the outside than ever. It will make you feel small. I don't doubt that you're desperate to escape sometimes. Or even that you absolutely deserve to. All I'm saying is, that you need to find somewhere else to go than in your bedroom/in front of the bathroom mirror/behind closed doors picking at your face. You need to find your Narnia. And yea those places exist. They exist in music, in journals, in books, in painting, in running, in yoga, in puppies, in dancing around to deafening songs, in singing in the car, in people watching at restaurants, in hot chocolate and lattes, in baby blankets and stuffed animals, in a few well deserved tears, in kind strangers and little kids, in this forum, in the people that really love you most. There are so many places you can go. You just, you don't need to destroy yourself to escape. It will never help you love yourself. It will never make you truly happy and it will never last. You will always be beautiful, but don't let yourself feel small. All I ask is that you try. And I'll try too. There is magic in this world, some people (some family) are just too plain to feel it - sucks for them. Okay you asked for advice, and before I went off on a tangent there I meant to give you some. Whenever you get the urge to pick, get out. Get out of your head. Your body will crave that stillness so actively seek it elsewhere. Some people find calm in the midst of normality so get out, go for a walk around your neighborhood. Go to the grocery store. The library. Get lost in a crowd, chances are you are Much less likely to pick around other people. Or even places other people could possibly see you - like right outside your house. Take deep breaths, that always helps. Then ya know, try and find your Narnia. You're so young, you've got so much more magic to discover. Alright, that last bit got pretty cheesy. I'm gonna go now before I embarrass myself (further). Keep your chin up darling. You're gonna be okay. x