My Scars - My Story

I have been picking my skin since I was five years old. I have just in the last month found out that there was a name for it and that there’s other people out there that do it too. It feels soo good to know that! I don't really know what triggered me to start picking, My Mom thinks it started right after my Dad moved out, but I think it may be more of a OCD thing for me. When I was little I always had my "sookie" blanket, it was always in my hands, I would stroke it with my hand over and over again. I remember my Mom took it away from me before I was going to start school (which is when I was 5). So I think the trigger for me was that I needed something to do with my hands, because I was so used to it. Now at 21, 16 years later there is not one place on my body that doesn't have a scar to show you where I have been. So many people have asked me what my picks were and I just told them bug bites or a pimple that i popped. I really don’t want to live like this anymore. There is so many things I can’t do because of it. When I was a kid I loved the beach, we would go early in the morning and stay all day, and all day I would be in the water, you couldn’t get me out when it was time to go. A couple years ago, I had not been to the beach in a really long time, I was doing well with my picking and only had a couple small ones that I covered up with band-aids. When we all got there we were sooo hot we all jumped into the water and when I came out everyone was looking at my kind of funny, I didn’t say anything but I knew what they were looking at. All the purple and dark scars that covered my body. I was mortified, I’ve been to the beach, but haven't gone in the water since. I have tried to be aware of my picking and to stop myself when I’m about to do it but you can only do that for so long. I do it sometimes and I don’t even realize because I’ve been doing it for so long and it’s almost become normal to me. When I’m watching TV and not doing anything with my hands, I will automatically start scanning my body with my hand looking for any scabs or a little bump, pimple, or ingrown hair to pick at. I live in a small town in Canada and there are not many options for me to get treatment. I heard about talking to a therapist over the computer or phone but I have been looking and still haven’t found anyone who treats this condition. Does anyone know of any places in Canada where I can get help? This has gotten to the point now where I am actually willing to move somewhere if I have to, just to get the proper treatment and get this under control. I’m so sick of wearing long sleeves and pants in the summer, having to wash my bed sheets and clothes almost every other day so no one will see the blood stains, having to spend so much money on make up to hide the scars and scabs on my face. At night I do the most picking and I hate laying there so sore I can barely move, I feel disgusting when I do that. I don’t want this to be a part of my life anymore.