long, long time dealing with this

I'm also new to this forum. I have been posting replies to some of the forum comments that i have read. And I am also glad that my monster has a name and that I'm not alone in the world with debilitating disorder. Which it can be. My self-estem is very low. I don't feel lke I deserve the love and affection that my husband wants to give me. I have been doing this for about 37 years now. I don't need a mirror, I can do it from touch only now. I have sensitized my fingers to be extemely good at what they do. Which is a horrible thought, that i could be blind and still do this to my body. Has anyone tried hypnosis? Does it work? I know that a lot of anti depresents make the symptoms worse. so I try to avoid them, but I can't avoid myself. I feel like i just want to crawl out of my skin and be rid of it. Sometimes my anxiety gets sooo bad that it makes me want to peel my skin off to get away from myself, mylife, my problems. But I can't And nothing seems to be helping. The more anxious I feel the stronger the urge. I can't take anxiety meds all the time because they make me sleepy. and ya, while i'm asleep i may not be doing it, but as soon as I wake up, I do. I've even woke up in the middle of the night with an extremely itchy spot and just can't stop myself from tearing my skin open. So I don't just pick at imperfections, I also get "itchy" and I start scratching and can't stop until my skin is torn open