graditute

Hi everybody I have three days without picking! I am grateful that I have this website now so I can write and share my experience, strength and hope. I know I have mentioned this before but I think it really contributes to my progress; I am applying the principles, suggestions, and things I have learned from the 12 step program I am in, Narcotics Anonymous. The first step is admitting you have a problem. "We admitted we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable." That is why I think this website is so great because this might be the first place a person can admit to other poeple they have a problem, anonymously : ) Then we can write about how unmangageable it has made our lives. For me it was very important to tell someone I know in person, face to face, also. Support and encouragement. Suggestions and feedback. A hug. I think the first person I told was my mother. It just became to hard to hide it from her. When there was blood spots on my shirts, PJ's, bedsheets. I was living with her. I told her I would do my own laundry but she knew something was up. I tried to say it was bug bites for a while but she was not stupid. Her knowing did not stop me but it was a start. A start to telling the truth. She did not really understand though so I just kept on picking. I think it was years before I said anything about again. Today I am grateful that I have the courage to share about it at thge NA meetings I go to. I am grateful that my higher power gave me the courage to tell my fiance. After I told him it was a relief that I did not have to hide it anymore. I can wear tank tops at night to bed. I asked him to make sure I do not close the bathroom door at night. I tell him when I am getting in the shower(do I do not pick when my shoulders are naked). The thing is I was the person to have to reach out to him. I know the triggers that increase the chances of me picking. I had to be honest with him. I cannot be alone in the bathroom, especially at night. If I go to a meeting and get home after he is asleep, I have to wake him up to let him know I am going in the bathroom to get ready for bed. He is going to help me look for and pay for some therapy. I want to stop this vicious cycle.