Weekly accountability...

The writing on the mirror helps...today I wrote a Bible verse from Hebrews about Jesus sanctifying us once for all for our sins. Otherwise I go in there with my worries thinking the worries will go away if I pick at my skin. I have been doing well not to pick my face, but still feel compelled to get any bumps I feel, especially on my chest or back, since it's not as obvious in public as my face. I need to accept that my skin will not be flawless...and that is way better than bloody scabby spots which I am embarrassed about, especially with my husband. I confess I did majorly mess up on a open pore on my chest...I tried to carve out the whole thing in hopes when it healed I would not have a large open pore. I have a bandaid over it now. If anything I hope regardless of how it heals that I can accept this "thorn in my flesh" and not let it become worse than it needs to be. There is NO worthy value in spending time and energy and numbing my mind to pick at my skin. I just hate having conflict and I hate admitting to myself there is conflict or disagreement in my life. But pretending it isn't there is only naive. I need to let myself cry out to God and acknowledge what's really going on, so I can have some closure to my restless thoughts without ruining the skin God gave me. Relationships take work, why is that always a surprise to me? Nothing of my flesh will last forever anyway...only my relationship with the Lord will matter. Jesus, I lay down all of it, all of me, before you. Take me and make me new. Give me a clean heart. Give me wisdom, kindness, and understanding with my husband. I pray for his good intentions to come out in a way that honors you; I pray his heart seeks you earnestly, daily, hourly, every minute first and that he would yearn for your Word to soak deep in his heart. Let him not lean on his own understanding but trust in you with the hills and valleys we face together. Help me to be his biggest fan and that I could encourage him and support him at the same time as being honest and genuine with obvious things that are pushing him and our kids apart. You alone, oh God, have the power to change people. You alone, Holy Spirit, can minister to his heart of hearts. I don't have the perfect husband, I never did. I don't have the perfect life, no one ever did. People are going to think what they are going to think. No reason for a show. I'm the one who lives with the choices of my life. There is no such thing as perfect...except you, Jesus. Then help me look to you and remember your holiness. And remember how MUCH I do have to be thankful for! And then there would be no reason to pick.

I have done really good this week not picking my face. I just let bumps be there. My verse for this week is going to be: "A prudent man sees danger and sees refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it." Proverbs 22:3. My husband said to be once, doesn't it hurt when you pick? And I'm thinking, duh, yes, why doesn't that make me stop? So I've got a whiteboard propped up in front of my mirror to fixate on THAT instead of my vanity flaws.

My chest wound turned into a scab and the outside ring came off. Now there's a pink scar around that area. I have a dry hard scab I think (or remnants of a blackhead) in the middle of it and I have left it there all week. I know it could be "helped" out with a squeeze, but I'm just leaving it there and it serves as a good reminder not to pick anymore.

Honestly my husband is stressing me out because he's stressed out about parenting and how he and I communicate. Today he lost his temper and yelled at our son and right away I called him on it and he was in a bad mood the rest of the day. Finally now he has regrouped and just made me some of my favorite hot tea. Gee whiz though it sure does make me want to PICK PICK PICK!!. But NO NO NO that is not going to fix a darn thing, only create another problem which is utterly embarrassing and unkind to the body God has given me. Lord, I praise you and I thank you for helping me stay strong this week. Help me to continue to deal with life's issues. Marriage, parenting, and family does not just happen on its own it takes effort. Help me to be kind and loving in my words and actions. Help me forgive quickly and teach rather than ridicule. In your Holy name I pray, Amen.

So much for weekly posting! I hardly have time for anything with work and family matters. I feel so overwhelmed. I haven't been perfect but haven't picked at my face much at all except in the shower or occasional few little spots. I even let a pimple heal on its own. But I have still been hurting the skin on my back when I get ready for bed, I just feel a scab or blackhead and want to get it out.

I pray for all of us that we can resist temptation to hurt ourselves- making ourselves feel pain and bleed is not from God!
Psalm 127:2 ESV
English Standard Version
It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.

This month has been quite busy and it has helped to keep my mind off picking. We started doing Yoga which incorporates prayer. I am reminding myself to stop caring so much about less than perfect cuticles and less than perfect complexion. I have tried to pop a few pimples on my face but I haven't had as many "long" sessions. I got past a big test which is a relief and getting through Christmas was also a stressor. If I have too little or too much to do it is a trigger to pick. Staying balanced healthwise helps.
New scripture until next time: John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Prayer: Thank you Lord for helping me each step of the way. I want the peace you offer. Help me not to stray from you so that I start to pick. Help me trust and let you lead me and let that take away the urge to pick.